Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Road Rage

Road Rage

As I have only told you about a dozen times by now, I drive 107 miles to get to work. The journey is a varied route involving urban and country roads, dual carriageways and motorways, so it’s pretty fair to say that I experience a wide cross-section of road users doing their best to slow me down. The bastards.

In no particular order, the following should face instant, painful extermination, or, at the very least, their accelerator pedal foot cut off and force fed to them in a bun. And I’d not be out of order:

* Caravans

* Holders of the international symbol of bad drivers

* Nissan Micra drivers

* Rover drivers (What are Rover drivers going to do now that you can no longer buy Rovers? Answer: Proton drivers)

* People who throw cigarette ends out of the car window. You’ve got an ashtray for that you FUCKS.

* Lorries. I know! Let’s link about forty of your slow-moving vehicles together, put them on a special road we shall call a “railway” and we can get YOUR HUNK OF SHITTY METAL OUT OF MY WAY.

* All other road users

To celebrate the fact that I will be allowed onto Her Majesty's road network at some stage this evening, who else, should we be wiping off the face of the planet?

Early comment from Gary, which shows I'm amongst friends here: "These people should simply be executed at the side of the road without trial." ...and their bodies hung from road signs as an example to others...

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