Hollywood, twinned with Sodom
It is my pleasing duty to announce that sexual deviants have taken over London's West End theatres. As if they hadn't before:
* Back Side Story
* We Will Cock You
* Arselight Express
* The Pirates on Men's Pants
* Scat Balou
Now that Brokeback Mountain has smashed through the barriers in Hollywood, the studios are busting a gut to get the next gay blockbuster onto our screens.
What they don't know is that Michael Caine has stolen a march on all of them with a remake of his classic gritty tale of Northern gangsters, retold to fill this gaping hole (kyak, fnarr!) in the market. Look out, then for the release of "Oooh, Get Carter".
So, in touch with your inner homo, it's time to give Hollywood a few tips for this year's GayLesTransGender classic.
* Goatse Busters
* Raiders of the Lost Arse
* The Gaytrix
* The Mansex-churian candidate
* Cool Handjob Luke
* The African Queen, a title that doesn't even need changing
No Thursday vote-o today, ducks, because - mostly as a result of last week's whinging - I've written a Football 78 special, involving both vomit AND poo. You lucky, lucky people.
Also: Plz to suggest further additions to the random quote generator I've added to these pages. There. At the top. Press 'Reload' for up to nine more.