This Red Nose Day, I'll be trying for the impossible - a
whole 24 hours without swearing. Not a single swear will be uttered on the day
of the Scaryduck Non-Swear-A-Thon, except for permitted use of the entirely
family-friendly words "tugboat", "melon-farmer" and
"forget you!".
I might be a good middle class boy, but go back just a
couple of generations, and my gene pool is swarming with Northern Irish ship
builders and Cockneys from Cockneyland. And, to be honest, I think the Dagenham
side of my personality takes over far too often and gets me into all kinds of
trouble.
One of my earliest memories is being sent to my room for
saying "Bugger", a punishment that did no use at all, and soon I was
swearingly fluent in five different languages, thanks to a book I found
teaching me to swear in ...err... five different languages.
But now, I'm asking for your help in ending this blight on
my life, all through the medium of cold, hard cash. As little as £2 could help
save lives in Africa, while a tenner (and I'm
really excited about this one) helps at-risk British kids from getting into
trouble at school
Think of the kiddiewinks, must most of all, think of my
suffering, you bunch of monkey lovers.
1 comment:
I had a copy of that book.
I found the phrase "Please tell your children to stop peeing on my feet" very useful.
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