Tuesday, March 31, 2009

On Cookery Week: Part II

On Cookery Week: Part II

Continuing my journey into the culinary arts in a desperate attempt to become a popular, award-winning food blog.

Today's attempt to curry – geddit? CURRY? EH? GEDDIT? - favour with the cognoscenti of the online world is a trip to the mystical East (for eg Weymouth Balti House down by the harbour where the BLACK DEATH got into the country) for a taste of the sub-continent as we attempt:

Chicken Madras

Cooking Indian style is a test for any chef as they find the perfect mix of herbs and spices to make the perfect curry. Too little, and it's hardly worth the effort. Too much, and you might as well point a WWII vintage flame-thrower down your throat. Luckily, there's a quick-and-simple method to getting this right.

Method: Pierce the film lid six times

Place tray in the oven at 200C for 25 minutes, or 5 minutes in the microwave.

Ensure the food is piping hot throughout.

Eat.

Leave the washing-up for somebody else.

Alternatively, call the very excellent Weymouth Balti House (01305 766347) and order the set meal for two.

Leave the washing-up for somebody else.

Pukka!

The sommelier recommends: Four pack of Stella, out of the fridge

30 comments:

It's just me said...

first!

Anonymous said...

Bah, only sloppy seconds today

Rosanna

Introspective said...

Runny turd after excess curry

Astropoppet said...

Do they deliver this far north?

Scaryduck said...

You could ask.

Emerson Marks said...

5 mins in the nuker? Too long, I'll stick to them 60 second burgers.

Squeakypony said...

It's true what the French say about English cooking - any connoisseur of fine dining would know it's 6 minutes, 5 ( no 3 sir) holes and served from the plastic tray.

Debster said...

Also known as chicken ding.

wild-seven said...

First for spotting the first use of 'DO YOU SEE?' this week ("Today's attempt to curry – geddit? CURRY? EH? GEDDIT? - DO YOU SEE?")

Steve Dix said...

..or chicken madarse.

sbalb said...

This stuff is dynamite. You can't go around revealing these sort of secrets without expecting a knock at the door from the heavy boys of "The Madras Circle."

If I were you I'd grab your passport and head for the nearest port. Stock up on tasty bright-orange Indian treats on the way there, obv.

Erin said...

I appreciate the beer recommendation, though.

Anonymous said...

I went to that internet last night & asked for a portion of corn ficker.

Misty said...

Again, a good attempt, but what is this 'washing up' of which you speak?

As Squeakypony pointed out, microwave meals (and for that matter take-aways) are to be eateb straight from the containers in which they are delivered, preferably with plastic cutlery or if dining on Chinese cuisine, cheap wooden chopsticks.

Please take note: remember to leave options for those who do not have someone else to do this 'washing up' for them.

Richard said...

Tsk, it's a wonder you're not this: DED. Correct procedure is full nuke for 3 mins, feel back, stir, nuke again for 2 mins, stir and leave for another minute while you wipe beer off sofa and allow for corners of the plastic tray to harden sufficiently otherwise you're eating it off the turntable. Again.

Richard said...

I meant peel back. Obviously.

Debster said...

Feel back sounds more fun.

isolator42 said...

I'm going to Paris for the day tomorrow, because I'm going to be 40.

I shall spend all day asking directions to a decent curry house. The first Parisian to point me toward the Eurostar will get a prize for supplying me with the correct answer.

Salut!

The Wrath of Dawn said...

I beg to differ. I make a mean curry, me.

First-time guests always inquire as to why I am singing Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire" whilst I cook.

Heh heh.

Donna said...

It helps to keep the bog roll in the fridge.

b said...

...and it burns burns burns burns - the ring of fire!

Kevin 'In Salford' said...

Up t'North here in Salford most people seem to prefer a deep fried chicken quarter drenched in a non-descript watery curry sauce from the local take-away chip shop.

And yes, they will deliver a minimum of three. But only if served with overpriced oversized portions of cold burnt rubber chips, and you request the obligatory single bottle of free diet-coke!

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ashhar said...

Thank you for the wonderful effort

إني تذكـرت والذكرى مؤرقـة * مجـداً تلـيدا بأيـدينا أضعـناه
أنَّى اتجهتَ للإسـلام في بـلـدٍ * تجْده كالطيرِ مقصـوصًا جناحـاه
كـم صرفتنا يـدٌ كنـا نـصرفها * وبات يـملكنا شعب مـلكناه
بالله سل خلف بحر الروم عن عرب * بالأمس كانوا هنا واليوم قد تاهوا
وانزل دمشق وسائل صخر مسجدها * عمن بناه لعل الـصخر ينعـاه
هذى معـالم خرس كـل واحـدة * منهن قامت خطيبـا فاغرا فـاه
الله يعلم ما قلبت سـيرتهم يومـا
* وأخطـأ دمـع الـعين

مـجراه

يا من يرى عمـراتكسوه بردته *

الزيت أدمٌ لـه والكـوخ مـأواه

يهتز كسـرى على كرسيه فرقـا * من خوفه ،

وملوك الروم تخشـاه

يا رب فابعث لنا من مثلهم نفـرا * يشـيدون لـنا مـجدا أضعنـاه

ashhar said...

Thank you for the wonderful effort

إني تذكـرت والذكرى مؤرقـة * مجـداً تلـيدا بأيـدينا أضعـناه
أنَّى اتجهتَ للإسـلام في بـلـدٍ * تجْده كالطيرِ مقصـوصًا جناحـاه
كـم صرفتنا يـدٌ كنـا نـصرفها * وبات يـملكنا شعب مـلكناه
بالله سل خلف
بحر الروم عن عرب *

بالأمس كانوا هنا واليوم قد تاهوا
وانزل دمشق وسائل صخر مسجدها * عمن بناه لعل الـصخر ينعـاه
هذى معـالم خرس كـل واحـدة * منهن قامت خطيبـا فاغرا فـاه
الله يعلم ما قلبت سـيرتهم يومـا * وأخطـأ دمـع الـعين مـجراه
يا من يرى عمـراتكسوه بردته * الزيت أدمٌ لـه والكـوخ مـأواه
يهتز كسـرى على كرسيه فرقـا * من خوفه ، وملوك الروم تخشـاه
يا رب فابعث لنا من مثلهم نفـرا * يشـيدون لـنا مـجدا أضعنـاه

el7osiny said...

Thank you for the wonderful effort

إني تذكـرت
والذكرى مؤرقـة
مجـداً تلـيدا
بأيـدينا أضعـناه

أنَّى اتجهتَ للإسـلام في بـلـدٍ * تجْده كالطيرِ مقصـوصًا جناحـاه

كـم صرفتنا يـدٌ كنـا نـصرفها * وبات يـملكنا شعب مـلكناه

بالله سل خلف بحر الروم عن عرب * بالأمس كانوا هنا واليوم قد تاهوا

وانزل دمشق وسائل صخر مسجدها * عمن بناه لعل الـصخر ينعـاه

هذى معـالم خرس كـل واحـدة * منهن قامت خطيبـا فاغرا فـاه

الله يعلم ما قلبت سـيرتهم يومـا * وأخطـأ دمـع الـعين مـجراه

يا من يرى عمـراتكسوه بردته * الزيت أدمٌ لـه والكـوخ مـأواه

يهتز كسـرى على كرسيه فرقـا * من خوفه ، وملوك الروم تخشـاه

يا رب فابعث لنا من مثلهم نفـرا * يشـيدون لـنا مـجدا أضعنـاه

el7osiny said...

Thank you for the wonderful effort

إني تذكـرت والذكرى مؤرقـة * مجـداً تلـيدا بأيـدينا أضعـناه

أنَّى اتجهتَ للإسـلام في بـلـدٍ * تجْده كالطيرِ مقصـوصًا جناحـاه

كـم صرفتنا يـدٌ كنـا نـصرفها * وبات يـملكنا شعب مـلكناه

بالله سل خلف بحر الروم عن عرب * بالأمس كانوا هنا واليوم قد تاهوا

وانزل دمشق وسائل صخر مسجدها * عمن بناه لعل الـصخر ينعـاه

هذى معـالم خرس كـل واحـدة * منهن قامت خطيبـا فاغرا فـاه

الله يعلم ما قلبت سـيرتهم يومـا * وأخطـأ دمـع الـعين مـجراه

يا من يرى عمـراتكسوه بردته * الزيت أدمٌ لـه والكـوخ مـأواه

يهتز كسـرى على كرسيه فرقـا * من خوفه ، وملوك الروم تخشـاه

يا رب فابعث لنا من مثلهم نفـرا * يشـيدون لـنا مـجدا أضعنـاه

Anonymous said...

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I don't mean this in a bad way, of course! Ethical concerns aside... I just hope that as the price of memory drops, the possibility of uploading our brains onto a digital medium becomes a true reality. It's a fantasy that I dream about all the time.


(Posted on Nintendo DS running [url=http://quizilla.teennick.com/stories/16129580/does-the-r4-or-r4i-work-with-the-new-ds]R4[/url] DS NetBlog)