On there being an App for that

On there being an App for that

Here at Scaryduck Labs, we're always trying to stay on the cutting edge of technology in the doomed hope of being millionaires this time next year, Rodders.

And this year, it's the advance of the smart phone, with the ability to download any number of useful applications to help users improve their everyday lives.

Granted, the iPhone Apps market is dominated by far too many farts and cowbells which threaten to down unfortunate users in a tide of mediocrity; but this has spurred us on to create useful Apps that will benefit both the phone owner and the world in general. And make us extremely rich, obviously.

- Unwell? Drunk too much? Kingsize doner kebab fighting its way out? There's an App for that - The Scaryduck Labs Hedge Finder. Containing details of every hedgerow on the planet - download this application and be sick in a hedge with confidence

- Worried about an impending attack by Indonesian Al-Qaeda-linked terror group the Moro Islamic Liberation Front? There's an App for that - The Scaryduck Labs MILF Alert. May not work as anticipated

- Need to insult somebody, yet maintain the moral high ground? There's an App for that - The Scaryduck Labs Shakespearean Insult Generator. Comes loaded with up to three examples of The Bard's shining wit: "Thou art a coont", "Thou art a fuckynge coont" and "Fuckynge fuckynge fucke offe ye fuckynge coont."

- Memory loss? There's an App for that. Never forget your shoe size with The Scaryduck Labs Shoe Size Reminder. Available in size nine only

- Need to make a phone call? There's an App for that - Add The Scaryduck Labs Public Phone Box Locator to your iPhone and never be out of contact!

This time next year, Rodders...