Duck Stand-Up Week III
Part Three: On bad jobs
Don't talk to me about bad jobs.
The worst job I ever had was at one of those sea life parks, where they made me work on an arena show called "Man Gets Attacked By An Angry Walrus", in which I played the part of a man who gets attacked by an angry walrus.
The angry walrus, as you might already have guessed, was played by an angry walrus which was, frankly, permanently pissed off, particularly at the sight of a shuddering student holding up a sign which reads "All Walruses are pooves".
I lasted three days, which was the exact time it took for the need for money to be overtaken by the desire to stop being attacked by an angry walrus. Happily, I was transferred to a family stage show called "Man Gets Bummed Stupid By Dolphins", which isn't as bad as it sounds.
I saw that angry walrus a couple of years later, as I answered a newspaper small ad of a specialist nature. Only ten quid a pull. Seemed a waste of a journey - and damn rude - to refuse.
He was an Alistair too. Small world.
[Here endeth stand-up half-a-week]