I was going to a write a full, honest, gushing review of the insanely talented Megan Washington's long-awaited new release (with whom I am certainly not obsessed), but I have instead, been forced to write the artist a letter regarding the contents of said disc.
Dear Washo,And it is at this point that I include the words "free mp3 download" to thoroughly piss off those leaching bastards trying to get a free mp3 download of Washo's hard work. Buy the bloody disc, you leaching bastards.
Can I call you Washo? I may be a so-called 'Whinging Pom', but I thought it best to address you in the tradition Australian style on what is a most important issue.
I recently took delivery of a spanking new copy of your new long player, the exceedingly wonderful I Believe You Liar, which places you firmly as the number one Papua New Guinea-born Antipodean Dwarf-fondling musical act. A remarkable achievement for which you should be rightfully proud.
It contains, of course, such finely-honed tracks as Clementine, Rich Kids, How to Tame Lions and the sublime Sunday Best (and the bonus disc is pretty bloody good, too), and I would score you a mighty 19 out of 20 on the Scaryduckworth-Lewis Scale for Scoring Things for Excellence, the internet's premier celebrity-based scale for judging things for excellence.
But it's what's not on the release that hits me between the eyes like an enraged Mel Gibson who's just been told the Pope's a bloke in a dress.
I take it you are aware that every release by any Australian popular beat combo are required - by the law of Her Majesty's Britannic Government of the Colonies - to contain the following:
- Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport
- Highway to Hell
- I Should Be So Lucky
- Men at Work's Down Under
- Theme from Neighbours and/or Home and Away
Full inspection of your release shows not the slightest hint of wobbleboard or Kylie disco classic, thus leaving you liable for the maximum penalty which can be handed down for such crimes, to whit: Transportation to the Colonies. That's Sydney to you.
Sort it out and get a new version out, pronto, and believe you me, Washo will be absolutely blummin' massive.
With thanks to Pseudonymph for getting the disc. And the *swoon* signed photo. And the biscuits.