"Oh my Christ! Will you look at this!"She comes and looks at it, as I point to the toilet in our holiday villa.
"What? What is it?" she asks, expecting disaster.
"The shitter. It... it... it's GERMAN."
Which stands to reason, as the villa's owners are of the Dusseldorf persuasion.
"So? Big deal if it is."
It is a big deal, and I show her. She screams.
She screams, for the Germans are so obsessed with their stools, that they leave their deposit on a shelf for inspection before flushing it away. I imagine that the more curious keep a stick by the toilet.
I fix her in the eye, and point meaningfully at Thomas Crapper's invention, twisted to buggery Hunnish minds.
"See?" I say, pointing to the device I have christened Adolf Shitler, "SEE?"
She doesn't see.
"This is the reason why they can never be the master race."
After your money again
The Fragrant Mrs Duck takes off on her sponsored Midnight Walk this Saturday evening - now with added Scaryduckling.
In celebration of
Free inflatable Martin Clunes for every £10 given*.
* Currently out of stock, forever
21 comments:
The Germans and their poos, and the French and suppositories. What is it with these people? SO glad I'm living down here and not up there in continent.
When I worked in Germany my friends and I referred to that "feature" as The Continental Shelf. :-)
They say that is why the Italians have the best art - their toilets flush with such ferocity that they have to have something else to look at.
Well I never. You learn something new every day!
This post is shit. Photograph of tomato encrusted doings or it never happened.
Ahah - The dreaded "Inspection shelf". This is actually a DUTCH invention, to give credit where credit is due, and is usually fitted to properties of a "certain age" -up to round about 1975.
More modern properties reflect the rise of all things English and USAnian in popularity, and keep the poo (and it's smell) safely under water, which was the whole 'king point of the device.
Being able to inspect a good shit is, I believe, akin to the moment of pride after child birth.
And a stick? For serious inspection, latex gloves.
Freakish. Almost makes you want to wear Depends on holiday.
Depends where you go on holiday...
Q: How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb and then stand round a dodgy toilet inspecting a poo?
A: Nein!!!!
Most of the German khazis of my experience (my ex-wife lived in Dusseldorf) flushed directly from the mains. With mains pressure. There was a knack to doing this correctly and the first and most important part of this knack was remembering to lower the lid before flushing. If your intent was to watch your product being washed away, the second most important part of the knack was remembering to stand to one side and not directly in front, otherwise you would have been donning a poo.
"donning a poo" - LOL
Thank you, Dawn. I thought it was worth a LOL, too.
It took me far too long to realise that I didn't actually have to aim for the hole...
Richard: I LOLed
Dotty: That particular dilemma will be addressed tomorrow.
I think the 'Deutscher Scheizen Bin' is a brilliant idea.
I have to shine a torch down into the murky depths of my 'Victorian Vase' and prod with a stick to see if yesterdays dinner has digested properly.
There's a lot of truth in the old saxon saying of 'stirring the shit'!
Re the Continental Shelf - yup heard it called that too & I can confirm that the nation is moving away from these revolting items.
The are still deeply anal though.
GT
ummm, not to disrupt the hilarity or anything, you know, but as a person-living-in-Germany (not German myself though) I wanted to point out that the purpose of the shelf is not, in fact, inspection of the load before flushing but rather the avoidance of splashing water upon dumping a larger load. At least that's what I've always assumed and why I prefer the shelf-style to the dump-in-water style. Cold water (probably not clean) splashing onto my nether regions is not something I like.
As to the moving-away-from-them: As far as I can see, public restrooms (and those in companies and places like that) are indeed mostly non-shelf nowadays, probably for ease-of-cleaning reasons, i.e. money.
Almost all private toilets I've been to so far (in places I rented as well as places owned/rented by friends/acquaintances) were of the shelf-style.
So. Even though I'm not German I now made the impression of being completely devoid of humour, thus furthereing a stereotype. OTOH, why, I ask you, would I be reading this website if I was devoid of humour?
Also, Mr ScaryDuck, why are you enacting a Jeremy-Clarkson-joke (re going on holiday in Germany as an unlikely thing to do)
Now THIS is why I read Scaryduck. Poo woe. Never enough, really.
I have learnt so much reading this post and ALL the comments. I may never recover!
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