"Oh my Christ! Will you look at this!"
She comes and looks at it, as I point to the toilet in our holiday villa.
"What? What is it?" she asks, expecting disaster.
"The shitter. It... it... it's GERMAN."
Which stands to reason, as the villa's owners are of the Dusseldorf persuasion.
"So? Big deal if it is."
It is a big deal, and I show her. She screams.
She screams, for the Germans are so obsessed with their stools, that they leave their deposit on a shelf for inspection before flushing it away. I imagine that the more curious keep a stick by the toilet.
I fix her in the eye, and point meaningfully at Thomas Crapper's invention, twisted to buggery Hunnish minds.
"See?" I say, pointing to the device I have christened Adolf Shitler, "SEE?"
She doesn't see.
"This is the reason why they can never be the master race."
After your money again
The Fragrant Mrs Duck takes off on her sponsored Midnight Walk this Saturday evening - now with added Scaryduckling.
In celebration of
Free inflatable Martin Clunes for every £10 given*.
* Currently out of stock, forever