"Kill them! Kill them all TO DEATH!"I kill them all TO DEATH and The Fragrant Mrs Duck is well pleased with my handiwork.
And so end my principles. Although a godless heathen, I thoroughly dislike killing any living creature, unless it is for the purposes of tasty, tasty meat, and even then it is farmed out to a faceless operator at a slaughterhouse, by way of punishment for not listening at school. Or having a face.
But: Ants.
Our holiday villa is full of ants, carting us all away down their hole like that Tom and Jerry cartoon where they're having a picnic.
On the second day, they are slightly larger, and the next day larger still. By the time we are packed to go home, passage to the hire car is barred by what is to be the Boss Battle.
In my best Daffy Duck: "This means war."
It was inevitable, then, that I should have a delirious, drunken dream in which I battle giant ants which have invaded the eighth hole at Weymouth Golf Centre, spoiling the best round of golf my myself and North Korea's vertically-challenged strongman Kim Jong-Il have ever played.
Also, I hope Doctor Who's head grows back in his next regeneration.
Then I woke up, my pillow was gone, and vampire ants (the final stage before the Boss Battle) had sucked every last juice from out of my body.
At least I thought it was vampire ants.
9 comments:
You have NO idea! In Greece we were pestered by a Preying Mantis that was as big as my hand! Her Maj demanded I twat it with a newspaper, but I'd have needed a whole week's worth of Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung to take care of it!
Not only that, she comes from an area infamous for the "Wald Hornisse" - wood hornets! They're like wasps, but MUCH, MUCH bigger! I opened a window and one of those things flew up like a Hunter-killer from "Terminator". I was going to kill it with a handy 12-volume copy of the Encyclopaedia Britannica, when she shrieked "DON'T!! Don't kill it, they're protected! If you kill it, you could be fined 12,000 Euro!"
OH yeah? How are they going to know? Do they have little transmitter collars, that transmit to Hornisse Control in Bad Reichenberg? If I go to wallop one, will I hear "Achtung! Achtung! This is the German Wald Hornisse Polizei! Put the newspaper down...slowly!"
Insects are evil and should DIE to DETH.
Did your parents have a lot of female siblings then? Why invite them on holiday with you?
I don't like bugs. But they have a right to live - just not inside my home. Which is what I tell them right before they get squished.
Note to self: strike Spain, Germany and Greece off the travel list...
Pfft.
I live in AUSTRALIA.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/27151301@N05/4020541243/in/photostream/
I am so not clicking on that link.
Me neither. My delicate little Northern Hemisphere psyche couldn't take it.
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insects.dont mind them. parktown prawns though....bleh.
(thats the nickname given to these giant alien cockroaches that landed in joburg and proceeded to eat up all politicians. and glue boys.and take over their bodies... much like that movie v)
you hit these cockroaches with your shoe, and after ten seconds of painful, slobbering confusion... you shoe starts moving stealthily TOWARDS you.
*nightmare*
@wrathofdawn - ha-ha!
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