On standing meetings
"It has come to my notice that meetings held in this establishment go on for far too long and are becoming a complete waste of time.
"To this end, this meeting will, for the sake of brevity, be held standing up.
"On your feet, the lot of you."
Say goodbye to a couple of hours' kip, then.
Two hours later...
"…and now we move to item thirty-two on the agenda – 'Trans-national links in the multi-cultural paradigm' in which we will be joined on the video conference circuit by our colleagues in New York. HELLO NEW YORK!"
"Boss," the office snitch whispers in a voice that can be heard at the other end of the company graveyard, "they're sitting down."
"Come on you guys - didn't you get the memo?"
"Yes," comes an American voice, "and we are authorised by our departmental head to tell you to - if you don't mind the language - bugger off."
A finger hovers over a button. It is large and red and has the word "EJECT" printed on it in large, black letters.
*click - SPANG*
"Item 33 - Bring Your Leopard to Work Day..."