"And another thing you'll need when you move house," said the financial advisor, "Is to pay somebody for a survey on the property."I knew that, but she ploughed on regardless.
"I know that, but I expect you'll plough on regardless."
"I shall plough on regardless."
"Thought so."
"It's up to you whether you just have the basic survey to satisfy the mortgage lender; or to shell out the extra for complete piece of mind."
"Can you give me a 'such as'?"
"Such as if there's subsidence. Or boundary disputes. Or, perhaps if there's any urgent work that needs doing."
"Or," I chipped in, getting into the swing of things, "if the house is built on an old Indian burial ground. And old Indian burial ground that hides a dreadful curse."
"What? In Weymouth?"
"Especially in Weymouth. They found that pit full of dead Vikings recently, and Vikings were ALWAYS at war with the Indians. Didn't you learn anything at school?"
"I was more into numbers, but I don't think..."
"And let's not forget that (FACT!) TK Maxx is built on the old plague pits."
"Wait... what?"
"Indians AND Vikings AND shambling Undead Plague Victims. Just make sure no house we buy is built on the CURS-ED remains of Indians, Vikings or shambling Undead Plague Victims, or you'll be facing the Financial Ombudsman before you can say 'Hagar the Horrible'."
"Please leave."
"You don't - by any chance - sell Zombie insurance*?"
"PLEASE. LEAVE."
"That's a 'no' then."
* I've since been told that the correct term is "Unexpected Vitality Cover". Live and learn
7 comments:
Thank you, this is very timely.
I'm all for giving zombies a piece of my mind - if they haven't already helped themselves, that is.
Ruth.
Could we not do a sort of crossover with APILN and go for the obligatory 'I'd plough on her regardless.'
How come there's no dinosaur zombies and ghosts?
They're trapped in amber.
WoD
You could always skip widdershins round Nicodemus' Knob while chanting "Fuck off ya Zombie Bastarts"
Works for me , well the chanting, all the knobs up here hang round the chemists waiting for their methadone
I think it is wise to survey the property before you move in. So that you'll know what needs to be done.
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