Despite all the tinkering and rule changes, the sad fact is that Formula One motor racing is still a boring procession where the first driver to the bend at the end of the pit straight wins.Why not, radio's Danny Baker tweets, "make drivers do the last lap on foot?"
That's a spanker of an idea, but not enough. What they really need to do is bring back the old-style starts, where somebody fires the starting gun, the drivers have to leg it to their cars, start up, and drive away.
This means that particularly slow and/or fat drivers run the risk of getting run over, which would make F1 both better, and give more opportunities for up-and-coming drivers as they scrape Michael Schumacher off the track.
Still not good enough, and I propose that the mandarins at the FIA take a page from the School Sports Day book: Make the run to the cars an obstacle course.
1. Crawl under a net
2. Egg-and-spoon
3. Get dressed into overalls, welly boots and big floppy hat
4. Three-legged race with their mum
And then, once they reach their cars, the keys are all in a big bowl, like a swinger's party. One set of keys is for a clown car.
Once that's all done, there's the handicap system: Winner of the previous race has to drive a bright pink Nissan Micra. Not just for the next race, but he also has to drive it to the next racing circuit.
And to keep things on edge, one car is fitted - at random, in secret, and in the middle of the night - with an ejector seat. Bet on the right car and the lap number - win a Proton!
Brilliant, I'm sure you will agree. But I'm certain they'll find a way of keeping F1 boring.
Edit: Twitter's @tweetyaca offers this suggestion - "Hurdles"
19 comments:
F1 = Help.
I think that's appropriate for anyone stuck watching the stupid sport.
If I want to watch cars driven too fast going round and round, I'll go and sit by the freeway.
I think none of those ideas are any worse than Bernie Ecclestone's random fake rain idea!!
Brilliant. Needs no changes over those that you have suggested.
I'd watch it. Unlike the current waste of a few hours where the winner is the ones that went to kwikfit.
Next up golf. Can only be improved with the addition of full sized windmills, several walls at just the correct angle and drainpipes that spit the ball out onto the next hole.
-skirmishmonkey.
Any fule knos they need a cross over in the middle like my scalextric when I was a kid.
p.s. That young German guy waving his finger around all the time reminds me that I need to have my prostate checkup.
Amanda: Top Gear (jokingly) offered up their test track for use in F1 -- it's a figure-8.
Ejector seat = excellent.
I was going to suggest the figure of 8 track ... how about jumps, like the Grand National?
How about the winner gets to tie Bernie Eccleston to the radiator grill of his pink Nissan Micra as he drives to the next race.
I favour putting a furry animal like a fox, badger or rabbit on a rail that follows the edge of the track. The Formula 1 cars can chase that and try to run it over.
Golf certainly does need some spicing up. I would suggest releasing starved tigers on the 7th tee to speed things up a bit.
As I said in a recent post of mine, listing the unjustly celebrated, here's F1 summed up from a spectators viewpoint:
"Here comes a noisy fast car... oh, here comes another. Does it stay like this for the entire race?"
"Yes."
Oh, so @TWEETYACA gets a credit.
*goes off in a hufff*
I like F1, but I'll forgive you, coz it seems someone has cloned your sense of humour & is using it to sell a car on ebay... that'll teach you :P
http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/2001-FORD-FOCUS-GHIA-1-8-Zetec-Very-Clean-Interior_W0QQitemZ220768216260QQcategoryZ9844QQcmdZViewItemQQ_trksidZp5197.m7QQ_trkparmsZalgo%3DLVI%26itu%3DUCI%26otn%3D4%26po%3DLVI%26ps%3D63%26clkid%3D8474391391758927961
Forced to retune the radio every time Chris Evans comes on?
Sewmouse made made me do a LOL.
Your page doesn't fit the screen.
Possibly something to do with a long link in the comments
"I think they should let pit crews from the opposition team to do the wheel changes" - J. Button
I'm sorry to say that a figure-8 track was suggested by cartoonist Russell Brockbank back in the 60's. He also posited the Electric Pedestrian, who dodders back and forth across the track on a zebra crossing. One lap penalty for failing to to stop, disqualification for striking.
Each car should be fitted with a towbar and they should be allocated various items to tow. The item will be determined by lucky dip and this will mean they will save money on petrol and tyres because there'll be no need for qualifying. Caravans, trailers filled with bags of cement or any sundry items subject to a penalty if anything falls out. Heaviest trailers go to the front.
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