Good grief, something's got to be said.
Dear Confused dot comAnd once that's sorted out: The scourge of regional accents onchildren's television and WHY THEY ARE A BLASPHEMY
Please find attached a still from your recent television advertisement for your insurance services.
Despite the pneumatic delights of a number of the animated cast which are a welcome addition to any household's evening entertainment, I draw your attention to the kind of FILTH that is bringing this nation to its knees.
Can you see what it is? CAN YOU?
That's right, you filthy curs - the follically-challenged Cara Confused is pulling a massive bunch of flowers out of her lady garden. HER LADY GARDEN.
A lady garden, which even taking the artistic licence offered by the cartoonist's art into account, must have the internal dimensions of the TARDIS.
In a subsequent advertisement, Miss Confused is seen pushing a full-sized laptop computer into the same orifice.
What else has she got up there? The Hanging Gardens of Babylon? The Pipes and Drums of the Massed Band of the Scots Guards? The Go Compare man?
I do not want to know.
STOP IT, YOU PERVERTS.
Also: Any chance of a discount?