The cuts are beginning to bite at my kids' school:"Listen up kids," says the teacher, "Today's the day the Education Bus comes to visit. Make the most of it."
So, out to the car park to make the very most of the Education Bus.
But there is no bus. The number of buses in the school car park amounts to zero.
Instead, there is a bored school-leaver, drawing on a cigarette with guilt in his heart and acne on his face.
"Behold," he lied through his teeth gesturing at a wide expense of nothingness, "the Education Bus. Watch and learn."
They watched, and, indeed, the car par was not entirely empty.
For there, with "Educasiun bus" written in felt-tip on a piece of cardboard was a shopping trolley. A shopping trolley carrying a tramp in a cider-induced stupor.
"This," he said, "is your life, dude, if you don't listen in school."
They watched. They learned. Some saw desolation and despair. Others saw a career move.
"Now get back to your class."
7 comments:
You got name-checked by Lauren Laverne on the radio yesterday. True fame.
Christ! They could have really driven the point home if they'd turned up with Lauren Laverne, drunk, in a shopping trolley.
My good God, the depth of the despair that has hit deepest Dorset!
Good old Auntie La-La. Whatever happened to her?
Where do you go to sign up for a job as a tramp-inna-shopping-trolley?
Does the cider come as a perk of the job?
Could I get Buckfast instead?
ASDA, Morrisons or Tesco?
These things count you know, wouldn't be seen dead in a Co-op trolley.
Yes, I heard the Auntie La La name check.
Media whore that I am, I was also on BBC London in the afternoon
Ooo! 'ark at 'im, all famous, like!
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