Friday, October 14, 2011



The X Factor is back with the Asshat Olympics that are their live shows on Saturday nights coming up to Christmas. Of course, you may choose not to watch - and even go and live somewhere in the colonies - but you find yourself drawn back every week to see what new horror the poor, down-trodden people of this nation are being subjected.

This being the case, you might as well spend your time getting utterly rat-arsed and take part in the official X Factor Drinking Game.

It's simple. Swallow your pride and watch the X Factor. Then take on drink every time one of the following happens. You will be wrecked before the first ad break, which is a shame as the adverts are the best part:

- "You've taken that song and made it your own"

- "You NAILED that vocal" (Two drinks if the singer sounded like they were driving a tractor acrss a ploughed field with weights tied to their privates)

- "That's the best version of that song I've ever heard" (Two drinks if it's a Beatles cover)

- "You owned that stage"

- "It's been a journey"

- Gary Barlow looks like he's shat his pants

- Dermott O'Leary hugs one of the female singers

- The guest star, when asked who they want to win, says "They're ALL uniquely talented"

- The guest spot is an act managed by Simon Cowell or Louis Walsh

- Louis Walsh says that he "likes the boys"

- Kelly speaks in some incomprehensible street slang that somehow sounds inspiring

- Tulisa stands up and claps like a sea lion (cf Amanda Holden, Britain's Got Talent)

- Flashback to tearful back story

Down the whole bottle:

- The judges dare to criticise one of their money-spinning acts

- One of the acts comes on and says "Here's one I just wrote"

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