Thanks to SCIENCE and MATHS, readers will be interested to learn that I have invented a time machine. The unfortunate news for prospective time travelers is that this device can only go forward in time, so those of you wanting to have it off with Joan of Arc are in for a bit of a disappointment. Nonetheless, I have filed papers with the Patent Office for my time machine, which I have christened: "Twelve pints of London Pride"
Here's how it works: You drink twelve pints of London Pride. Then, everything goes black and before you know it, it is 48 hours later.
Also, the side effects of this kind of time travel are dreadful, and may include headache, nausea, being sick inna hedge, arriving dressed as a tramp in vomit-spattered clothing, or on board a ferry headed to Denmark.
However, with the help of a grant from those lovely people at SMIRNOFF Vodka, I am hoping to iron out these wrinkles with my Mark II Time Machine, which shall be called "Three Bottles of Tasty SMIRNOFF Vodka, sponsored by tasty SMIRNOFF Vodka"
See you in the future!
8 comments:
You will be hearing from my lawyers, Mr Duck, as you have infringed my patent 3746594/3254/290 - "12 Pints of Fuller's ESB". Not only does my patent have precedence, it also creates a time leap of up to 72 hours.
Ha!
So long as you don't impinge my patent for a reflux capacitor.
OK, OK. It's a bucket, I admit, but it IS sprayed silver.
I think I'll just stay put.
Does your time machine require any involvement from Libyan freedom fighters? If so you may have the odd problem, as I think they're all busy at the moment.
Aha! My kaftan & Dark Side Of The Moon LP enable me to live in the past! Perhaps we could do a deal.
NEWS 2 11;00 pm east coast meets west.
Scaryducks time machine A smashing success! So sad to report though he is lost int the T-Rex dinasor age, Bang His Gong! It's 1974 baby.......
But when are you going to come and clean up the mess on my doorstep? It's no good just apologising ...
I have the "Toff" (deluxe) version of your machine. It's called "Twenty Shots of Laphroiag", but its side-effects can last for a week.
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