Regular readers may remember our fury at the antics of the scientific community, wasting time and money on discovering faster-than-life travel rather than sorting out the important issues that make everyday life on this planet a misery. For eg: The continued lack of monkey butlers.Well, colour us surprised when a trawl through internet tat emporium eBay should bring up genuine brand-new-with-tags Monkey Butlers, all for a reasonable five-figure sum.
"Comes with the Paul Burrell seal of approval!"
BANG! Straight on the Buy It Now button.
Imagine our surprise, then, when we found it was just an ordinary monkey with rabies.
Worse: Its butler training has left a lot to be desired - constantly forgetting to warm the pot before making tea, skimping on the silver polish, and flinging his own shit at the visiting Dowager Duchess of Cumberland.
Left with a small child, the monkey butler taught the toddler to fling his own shit at the visiting Dowager Duchess of Cumberland, which he did with no little enthusiasm. Won't anyone think of the children?
Damn you Burrell! Damn you to HELL!
The message is absolutely clear: DON'T BUY EBAY MONKEY BUTLERS. They will empty your house of everything you own and claim it was a "gift", or something.
Apart from that: AAAAAAAA++++++ Seller - Will buy again!!!!!!!!
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