Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Situations Vacant at the Scaryduck Corporation

Situations Vacant at the Scaryduck Corporation

Welcome aboard the HMSS Jenson ButtocksWanted: All-female astronaut crew for the HMSS Jenson Buttocks, the heavily-armed inter-stellar spacecraft of the Scaryduck Corporation.

Posts available: Co-Pilot, Navigator, Weapons Operator, Engineer and Loadmistress/Baby Oil Procurement Officer.

No experience necessary. Candidates should display an aptitude for life at zero gravity, often without the unnecessary encumbrance of clothing. Due to newly-installed clone-o-matic technology, we no longer insist on the 44-DD minimum requirement.

Benefits include:
* Genuine military rank in the war against Space Hitler!
* The chance to kill hideous tentacled aliens as part of the Terran Federation's Anti-Hideous Tentacled Alien ethnic cleansing policy!
* Sell stuff to not-hideous tentacled aliens for fun and profit!
* Ssssexy Space Pirates!
* Visit the Planet Barcelona!
* Generous relocation package, lingerie allowance

This is a once-in-a-lifetime chance to enjoy a mega-rich space-trading and warfare lifestyle in a fun, naked yet vaguely hostile galaxy. Leave your Earthly cares behind and boldly go - as bare as the day you were born - into the Final Frontier!

Apply: Captain James T Duck, HMSS Jenson Buttocks, Dock 354a (lower), Oxygen-breathing sector, Bixein Space Station, Alpha Quadrant. Please send brief CV, recent undraped holographic image.

N.B. Captain must remain fully clothed for health and safety reasons; and reserves the right to use mind-altering probes, pink spinny vibrating probes, other probes

Update: After a thorough interview process, the post of Tactical and Weapons officer has been filled by Lt Cmdr Misty, who impressed us with her enthusiasm, knowledge, and willingness to kill hideous tentacled aliens with her bare hands. And not to mention her genuine undraped holographic image.

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