This site notes with a certain amount of smug satisfaction that ITV is to "shelve" its once-popular, heart-warming Sunday night drama Heartbeat.Trapped in 1969 for the last eight years, the viewers have started to notice the cracks (such as Tricia Penrose playing the world's oldest teenager behind the bar at the age of 38) and audiences are now less than half than in the programme's Nick Berry-fronted heyday.
Its attraction – one supposes – is the predictability of the plots. Something bad happens in village, Claude Jeremiah Greengrass (or his uninspiring replacement) gets the blame, doctor's wife makes coincidental connection and village copper arrests outside, 60s standard plays in background. The end. Repeat. For eighteen years.
How then, we ask, are ITV's writers going to kill off this long-runner?
Logically, they should just merge the show with its Sunday night replacement, rename it Wild at Heartbeat, and have the entire cast fed to the leopards - a plot device last seen when they killed off London's Burning.
So, to save the ITV suits the bother, I've given this literally five minutes of thought and come up with:
HEARTBEAT - The final scene
AIDENSFIELD ARMS – INTERIOR – NIGHT. CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS ARE UP AND A PARTY IS IN FULL SWING
Music under: Something by Gerry and the Pacemakers
Wrinkle-faced former copper: Hold up everyone – it's nearly midnight
World's oldest teenager: 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... HAPPY NEW YEAR! Welcome to 1970!
Music stops with the sound of a needle scratching across a vinyl record – SILENCE
Lord Ashfordleigh: I say. Didn't the new police johnny say he was going to show his face tonight? Poor show all round
Comedy undertaker bloke: I saw him parking up his Cortina a little earlier, your Lordship. Didn't seem in the best of moods if you're asking me
HAMMERING ON PUB DOOR
World's oldest teenager: (Peers out of window) This could be him now...
DOOR IS KICKED OFF ITS HINGES, GENERAL PANIC, GREENGRASS HIDES A FERRET DOWN HIS TROUSERS
Music (Loud): Guitar intro to 20th Century Boy – T-Rex
PC Gene Hunt: OPEN UP! ARMED BASTARDS! YOU'RE ALL NICKED!
TITLES: HEARTBEAT ON MARS
That'll do it. No, no need to thank me.
(I've just realised this is nowhere near as manky as my EastEnders - The Final Scene I wrote a couple of years ago, for which I apologise. I must be getting soft in my old age.)
From the Not-too-proud-to-beg Department
Last chance to vote for me, me, ME in the 2009 Bloggie Awards.
That is all.
32 comments:
I sometimes watch it for the old cars. And Tricia Penrose. First.
I believe doctors were prescribing Sunday Night TV to cure insomnia. The viewers were pumping out Zeds before the Ferret hit the trouser.
p.s. Second.
Vote Scary - you know it makes sense.
p.s. Turd.
Or they're all on a desert(ed) island. Or is it/are they??? A bit like Lost before it was shit.
I still like Lost. This new series is even better.
Aha, I have it, just as the 1970s burst rudely throught he door the whole village gets reset back to the start of the series & the bods at ITV can simply repeat the whole lot ad nauseum & save themselves a pile of cash in the process.
G Tony
What everyone seems to forget is that Heartbeat was based on the "constable" books - sort of a police answer to James Herriot.
The TV series started off well enough, but bastardised itself to death once the source material was used up.
Since then it's jumped the shark so often it should be an act at Seaworld.
It's snowing!
(1) What's Heartbeat? Never seen it.
(2) Bring back Angels!
Before I head off to play in the snoo, I just want to clarify something.
Has Heartbeat been running for eight years, or eighteen years?
I only ask as you have said both.
PS. I HATE these sodding pop-ups!
Debster, It's falling white bits here too. About 30 degrees.
I'd leave here in a 'Heartbeat'.....
It's run for 18 seasons over 16 years, according to IMDb.
I was an Extra on Heartbeat in the early years.
as an under-age drinker in the pub?
JM. Nah, they only had atmospheric interference in those days.
I am officially in mourning being a total and complete sucker for anything with "Heart" in the title on ITV on a Sunday. |Unfortunately not having a telly at the moment means I have to listen to Radio 7.
But the music was a joy. Where else could you hear "20th Century Schizoid Man" by King Crimson on Sunday Evening prime time. You certainly couldn't dance on ice to it.
And then Bob Newhart wakes up in bed with Suzanne Pleshette and says "I just had the strangest dream..."
Pay attention. THe programmes been on for 18 years, but they've celebrated New Year's Eve in 1969 no less than eight times.
That is all. Go about your business.
18 years??? They should have followed Robert Carlyle's lead, although 3 seasons of Hamish wasn't enough. Sorry, but the last episode is being shown tomorrow night down under. God that Isobel was a babe.
Mr Derek was always better with Basil and the prime minister in my humble opinion.
Sewmouse - anyone who can remember B Newhart is priceless in my view...
*cough* 10th April 1992. 2008-1992=16 years.
They've made enough episodes* to last 18 years though, so I'll give you that one.
*according to the 100% of FACT wikipedia. I myself know nothing about the programme, having never, ever watched it. Ever.
But The Simpsons have been on for 67 years and Maggie's still a baby.
What is this 'snow' of which you speak?
Trumpets
Bob Newhart - the Simaese cat ...
Bring back Blakes 7.
Richard - they played 20th Century Schizoid Man on BBC3 the other day, along with loads of other prog rock stuff. That and an evening of particle physics programmes and I was as happy as a pig in shit.
Last.
I like Bob Newhart. He guest starred on the Simpsons, too. The episode where Krusty faked his own death.
I'll just go quietly back to being a geek now...
TRT - it makes 17 if you count 2008 and 1992. I used my fingers to check. Not that newfangled maths thing.
And Erin - Geek, loud and proud please, isn't that why we're all here?
They should replay exactly the plots with the actors from Liife on Mars, and say it's a tribute to Children of the Stones. And they should bring that back too, along with Raleigh "choppers", the minister of droughts and Pan's People.
成人電影,情色,本土自拍, 免費A片, AV女優, 美女視訊, 情色交友, 免費AV, 色情網站, 辣妹視訊, 美女交友, 色情影片 成人影片, 成人網站, A片,H漫, 18成人, 成人圖片, 成人漫畫, 情色網, 日本A片, 愛情公寓, 情色, 舊情人, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 情色交友, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 色情a片, 一夜情, 辣妹視訊, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊, 視訊美女, 美女視訊, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, 情人視訊網影音視訊聊天室, 視訊交友90739, 成人影片, 成人交友, 本土自拍, 免費A片下載, 性愛,
成人交友, 嘟嘟成人網, 成人電影, 成人, 成人貼圖, 成人小說, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人遊戲, 微風成人, 愛情公寓, 情色, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 做愛, 色情聊天室,
色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 寄情築園小遊戲, 色情遊戲情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 言情小說, 愛情小說, 色情A片, 情色論壇, 色情影片, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊美女, 美女交友, 嘟嘟成人網, 成人貼圖, 成人電影, A片, 豆豆聊天室, 聊天室, UT聊天室, 尋夢園聊天室, 男同志聊天室, UT男同志聊天室, 聊天室尋夢園, 080聊天室, 080苗栗人聊天室, 6K聊天室, 女同志聊天室, 小高聊天室, 情色論壇, 色情網站, 成人網站, 成人論壇, 免費A片, 上班族聊天室, 成人聊天室, 成人小說, 微風成人區, 色美媚部落格, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人論壇, 情色聊天室, 寄情築園小遊戲,
AV女優,成人電影,情色,本土自拍, A片下載, 日本A片, 麗的色遊戲, 色色網, ,嘟嘟情人色網, 色情網站, 成人網站, 正妹牆, 正妹百人斬, aio,伊莉, 伊莉討論區, 成人遊戲, 成人影城, ut聊天室, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, a片下載, aV, av片, A漫, av dvd, av成人網, 聊天室, 成人論壇, 本土自拍, 自拍, A片,成人電影,情色,本土自拍,
咆哮小老鼠影片分享區, 金瓶梅影片, av女優王國, 78論壇, 女同聊天室, 熟女貼圖, 1069壞朋友論壇gay, 淫蕩少女總部, 日本情色派, 平水相逢, 黑澀會美眉無名, 網路小說免費看, 999東洋成人, 免費視訊聊天, 情色電影分享區, 9k躺伯虎聊天室, 傑克論壇, 日本女星杉本彩寫真, 自拍電影免費下載, a片論壇, 情色短片試看, 素人自拍寫真, sex888影片分享區, 1007視訊, 雙贏論壇, 爆爆爽a片免費看, 天堂私服論壇, 情色電影下載, 成人短片, 麗的線上情色小遊戲, 情色動畫免費下載, 日本女優, 小說論壇, 777成人區, showlive影音聊天網, 聊天室尋夢園, 義大利女星寫真集, 韓國a片, 熟女人妻援交, 0204成人, 性感內衣模特兒, 影片, 情色卡通, 85cc免費影城85cc, 本土自拍照片, 成人漫畫區, 18禁, 情人節阿性,
做愛的漫畫圖片, 情色電影分享區, 做愛ㄉ影片, 丁字褲美女寫真, 色美眉, 自拍俱樂部首頁, 日本偷自拍圖片, 色情做愛影片, 情色貼圖區, 八國聯軍情色網, 免費線上a片, 淫蕩女孩自拍, 美國a片, 都都成人站, 色情自拍, 本土自拍照片, 熊貓貼圖區, 色情影片, 5278影片網, 脫星寫真圖片, 粉喵聊天室, 金瓶梅18, aaaa片, 免費聊天, 免費成人影音, 彩虹自拍, 小魔女貼影片, 自拍裸體寫真, 禿頭俱樂部, 環球av影音城, 學生色情聊天室, 視訊美女, 辣妹情色圖, 性感卡通美女圖片, 影音, 情色照片 做愛, hilive tv , 忘年之交聊天室, 制服美女, 性感辣妹, ut 女同聊天室, 淫蕩自拍, 處女貼圖貼片區, 聊天ukiss tw, 亞亞成人館, 777成人, 秋瓷炫裸體寫真, 淫蕩天使貼圖, 十八禁成人影音, 禁地論壇, 洪爺淫蕩自拍, 秘書自拍圖片,
言情小說, 愛情小說, 色情A片, 情色論壇, 色情影片, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊美女, 視訊交友, ut聊天室, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, a片下載, av片, A漫, av dvd, av成人網, 聊天室, 成人論壇, 本土自拍, 成人電影, 成人, 成人貼圖, 成人小說, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人遊戲, 微風成人, 愛情公寓, 情色, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 做愛, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 寄情築園小遊戲, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊,
免費A片, 本土自拍, AV女優, 美女視訊, 情色交友, 免費AV, 色情網站, 辣妹視訊, 美女交友, 色情影片, 成人影片, 成人網站, A片,H漫, 18成人, 成人圖片, 成人漫畫, 情色網, 日本A片, 免費A片下載, 性愛, 成人交友, 嘟嘟成人網, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 自拍, A片, 愛情公寓, 情色, 舊情人, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 情色交友, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 色情a片, 一夜情, 辣妹視訊, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊, 視訊美女, 美女視訊, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, 情人視訊網, 影音視訊聊天室, 視訊交友90739, 成人影片, 成人交友,
Post a Comment