On the vexed Irish question

On the vexed Irish question

There are times when I sit back and ask: Who'd win an all-out brawl to find Ireland's best blogger? The mighty Arseblog, or the equally mighty Twenty Major?

Who knows how these things start. A jovial meeting in a Dublin bar, a couple of drinks, a bit of gentle ribbing before:

"My blog's better than your blog."

"An' yer mam's a lezzer"

"I understand your great-uncle showed less than favourable support for the Free State"

"Is that right? I heard you munched off Ian Paisley..."

Then they'd fly together in a shower of fists and boots – not one shot connecting – while Enya frots herself against a traffic bollard to a lilting Celtic-themed soundtrack.

Of course, being a Plastic Paddy who can "Hondootedly Mosses Thotcher" with the best of them if need be, I'd wait for them both to punch each other out, and wade in to claim the glory for myself, which is the way of the coward and therefore excellent.

I ask this question because my old pal Twenty buttered me up with a few compliments before asking whether I'd mind giving his novel a plug. His second novel. I still can't get my first one published and ...mumbles... bastard ...mumbles...

So: Buy Absinthe Makes the Heart Grow Fonder, because

a) Like its predecessor Order of the Phoenix Park, it is almost certainly excellent

b) He's got the goods on that buggered watermelons thing, which I totally deny

c) I said so, even if my three current book projects are all going to be the best thing since Harry Potter got killed TO DEATH

Did you hear that, Uncaring Literary World? THREE Books. THREE. Mumble mumble ...bunch of bastards...

To summarise: Twenty = Excellent. Arseblog = Just as excellent, but not plugging a book.

As you were.