With Valentine's Day just round the corner, a heart-warming tale for you on this Friday the 13th.My old mate Baz had a bit of a problem with quality control. While I was picky about the young ladies (and rarely got a date as a result), Baz was only interested in dipping his wick, and would shag a barbershop floor given half the chance.
So, it was hardly a surprise that he turned up at a party with an older woman on his arm. Older? He was 19. She was 48, which - coincidentally - was also her bust size. Oh, mama!
"Good grief, Baz," I remonstrated, cornering him in the kitchen later that evening, "Where did you get her?"
"Grab-a-granny night", he replied, with the telling rejoinder: "Gives me something to practice on."
And practice on her he did, for they became the annoying-couple-at-the-party-having-sex-in-the-bedroom-on-top-of-the-pile-of-coats-while-you're-not-getting-any.
It was a couple of years before I ran into Baz again, this time at a wild student party in which ale and vomit flowed freely.
"Hey Baz!" I slurred, "Wha'happened to that fat old moose you were boffin' a couple o' years ago?"
"We're married."
*boilk*
And: "Oh, congratulations!"
And: *BOILK*
As far as I know, they're still together. Bless.
43 comments:
Thirst!
Mousse.
Turd
Late
Fit! You'd hope she was, cos she be in her 60's now.
He's obviously taken the Help the Aged call a bit too far.
VMD
I think that's a lovely story in which age differences mean nothing to a couple who want to spend their lives together.
That and it had free flowing vomit, of course, which is good.
What's an older, fatter woman and a scooter got in common?
Both are fun to ride until your mates find out.
JM probably already knows this.
LOL!!!!
The STATE of last night's offering.
I will NOT be marrying her.
She was public transport in EVERY way lol (was desperate!!!)
Oh dear.
Must you give everyone just easy targets, JM?
Yes. She would have to be desperate to swap bodily fluids with you.
Beer goggles. Helping undeserving people get laid since 1981.
And JM - has the reason for your silence of late reached the Antipodean press? I believe they let you off double geog for the antenatal classes. Congratulations!
http://www.news.com.au/story/0,27574,25048945-23109,00.html
Oh God! the thought of HIM passing his genes onto another generation.
Sometimes the gene pool needs chlorine!
Tzonar.
I should think his charming personality should act as it's own chlorine, don't you, Evil Overlord Zontar?
Well so far it's certainly working for me.
Tzonar
And anyone else that possesses a matching pair of chromosomes
Out of curiosity, do you think he'll even understand these comments?
Tzonar.
He may need to check a few with the biology teacher in study period, but the smaller words should be okay, if he works on the syllables individually.
If JM is paddling in the gene pool can I please be excused from swimming practise?
If anyone's going to jump into the gene pool with JM, they ought to wear a rubber ring.
The trouble with the gene pool is that there's no lifeguard.
Also, what Audrey said.
And what Pseudonymph said too.
I'm still loathing these blogger comments btw.
You lot do know that the main reason we've got them here is because Scary's too cheap to pay for the old Haloscan ones again, dont'cha?
Misty: my comments are the old haloscan comments and I don't have to pay. Maybe this is because I don't get as many comments. (cue violins)
Rik: But I still use the old, free Haloscan comments as well.
And I've had way more comments than Scary on occasion.
*sticks tongue out at Scary*
Now now children. Play nicely or i'll take the computers off you.
Evil Overlordess Tzontar.
*blows raspberry at Evil Overlordess Tzontar*
*legs it*
*comes back, sticks two fingers up at Scary*
*legs it again*
Bad girl Misty! No more walkies or treats for you!
Tz.
TRT:
If anyone's going to jump into the gene pool with JM, they ought to wear a straight-jacket & live in a room with rubber walls.
If anyone's willing to jump into the gene pool with JM they should be forcibly sterilized.
You've got to hand it to JM, though. After all his er... effort put in over here, I did actually look at his blog.
He's even less popular on his own blog than he is over here!
Now *that* takes dedication...
That takes stupidity.
Nothing wrong with being 48.
JM you couldn't marry it, it's illegal.
As for your religion earlier in the week, Scary, do please take a look at my pages. My bedroom could well become your Lourdes.
And arrogance, mysogeny, offensiveness, idiocy, thick skin and a blind unnoticing regard for others as people and not just as holes in a matress that answer to a name.
Tz.
I think JM could give you all a lesson in sophisitcated humour.
I could well wee in the gene pool.
Sorry.
I really don't feel like swimming today...
Yeah. I'm with Erin. We'll plead Secret Wimmin's Business to the Gym teacher.
Yes. And if we have to write lines, I think we're prepared to make that sacrifice.
On behalf of fat old mooses everywhere, I take exception to fat old male mooses mocking us. You know who you are.
I'm happy being an old fat male moose. And half of that happiness comes from mocking old fat female mooses.
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