Monday, February 16, 2009

On offensive television

On offensive television

You know something? We haven't done offensive TV and film listings for positively AGES.

Today's mission is to provide the foulest, most offensive television shows and movie titles known to humanity, and whack them without mercy into my comments box.

To show that I am – as usual – an equal opportunities bigot, no subject is declared off-limits. Unless, of course, I decide otherwise, using my Patent Daily-Mail-Outrage-o-Tron.

If anything, this will probably see off all the new readers I've picked up in the last month or so. Here we go:

Movies
- Belmer and Louise
- The Empire Strikes Spack

- Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Flid
- Paedos of the Carribean: Dead Flat Chest

TV
Jack-me-off-a-nory
Friday Night with Jonathan Ross (oh-ho!)

Iced Toad Fuckers
The South Bank Show (Rhyming slang)

CSI: Creamy Slut Intruder
Terry Pratchett: Living with Alzheim... no... sorry... tip of me tongue... gone

Get in there!

54 comments:

amicirichard said...

F-I-R-S-T

amicirichard said...

...and it's still Sunday here, so Hippo Birdy Two Jews.

Squeakypony said...

Turd.

Porridge said...

Always fancied a spot of Celebrity Teburculosis Die-Off

Porridge said...

Ross Kemp On Gang Bangs

Porridge said...

High School Musical Massacre

Porridge said...

Animal Hospital Disasters

Debster said...

Lark Rise to Wankingford

Porridge said...

The Anore(x)ic-Factor

Porridge said...

Guess Who's Cumming On Dinner

Astropoppet said...

I'm Not a Celebrity - Kill Me!

Porridge said...

Okay I really have to go to work now :(

Porridge said...

24 hour coverage of Jane Goodie dying in the Big Brother house

Squeakypony said...

Scary, that horrible JM is a bad influence on you.

p.s. The Orifice.

Anonymous said...

Porridge wins.

& If the Scary Duck clebrity death game is still running - Jade Goody, just after Easter - win for me.

German Tony

Porridge said...

How To Look Good Naked: Do Some Exercise You Fat Fuck

Debster said...

Last of the summer senile

Pseudonymph said...

ArsedEnders

Wank's World (I see a little silhouetto of a man....)

Charlotte said...

Films:
* The Lord of the Ringpiece
* Casawanker
* Bumgrapes of Wrath
* The Wedding Minger
* Sex Toy Story

TV:
* Slash in the Attic
* Superfanny
* Wife Drop
* Katy Brand's Big Ass Flow
* Boys and Boys Alone
* The Weakest Link (a game in which contestants compete to see who can squeeze out the longest unbroken length of poo)

Gerrard said...

Where's Maddy

Porridge said...

Meal Or No Meal? Ethiopia Edition

America's Next AIDS Rapist

Anonymous said...

Fuck buddies (It's like friends, but with more sex)

Scrubbers (It's like scrubs, but with more sex)

My name is eight inch earl (It's like my name is earl, but with more sex)

Lust (it's like Lost, but with more sex)

Sex school (It's like play school, but with more sex)

Julian Meteor said...

SEX and the city!!!!!!!!!!

Gerrard said...

Schindlers Lust - it's about this guy schindler who has a fetish for skinny jews

MOCOTD (Most offensive comment of the day?)

Anonymous said...

Film
Star Whores:-
Episode I: The Fanny Menace
Episode II: Attack of the Cunts
Episode III: Revenge of the Syphillis
Episode IV: A New Whore
Episode V: The Empire Lies on it's Back
Episode VI: Return of the Jism

TV
Star Whores - The Cunt Wars

GT

Gerrard said...

Gaywatch

Gerrard said...

Gaylord of the rims

Anonymous said...

The lying bitch from the whorehouse

Mike said...

Raiders of the Lost Arse

Anonymous said...

The Italian Blow Job
Minging in the Rain
Shitty Shitty Gang Bang
Snow White & the 7 Anal Intruders
Saving Ryan's Privates


GT

Charlotte said...

I thought that was Shaving Ryan's Privates...?

Besides - grumble movie remakes is a whole new genre, innit?

McTodd said...

TV:
- Wanking The Dead (which is genuinely what I thought the title was, for a split second, when I first saw it in a telly guide)
- Spacker (starring Robbie Coltrane as a neurologically challenged plod profiler)
- The Weakest Chink (featuring the late Benny Hill as a Chinese stereotype in drag)

Fillum:
- Back Passage To India (which is the dream porno I'm going to make when/if I win the lottery jackpot)
- Star Wars Episode IV: A New Grope

McTodd said...

Hmmm, you're right, Charlotte, vis-a-vis grumble flicks, so I imagine that disqualifies 'A Back Passage to India'... Still, I can dream.

So how about:

Fillum:
- Spack To The Future

Telly:
- Gaywatch
- Randall Fucks Hopkirk (Deceased)
- Doctor Poo (about a bowelulous timelord travelling the cosmos in his TURDIS)
- Demons

McTodd said...

Telly:
- Battlestar Gaspacktica

Julian Meteor said...

The GAY Team!!!!!!!!!

(best one yet)

McTodd said...

Damnation, that's a good 'un... Meanwhile:

Fillum
- No Cunt For Old Men
- The Cocksucker Proxy
- Richard The Turd
- Citizen Cunt

Telly
- Holby Shitty
- Poosnight (with Jeremy Arsecracksman)

Charlotte said...

* A chocolate starfish called Wanda
* Mong-ster's Ball
* In sickness and in MILF
* Captain Fellatio Hornblower (starring Gregory Pecker)
* Hyster Act (A moving documentary about one nun and her manky infected womb)

...although if you want the most offensive real film title ever, I refer to you "Gayniggers from Outer Space". Yes, really: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0274518/

McTodd said...

James Bond in:

- Goldfingered
- The Man With The Golden Bum
- The Spy Who Spluffed On Me
- Mooraper (about a French perve with a thing for cows)
- For Your Arse Only
- Jap'sEye

Pretty well any of them really...

Joe Scaramanga said...

Flid of Dreams?

http://www.joescaramanga.co.uk/fun%20stuff/graphics/movie%20posters/flidofdreams.gif

McTodd said...

Ha ha! Meanwhile...

- The Sure Wank Redemption
- The Green Piles
- Chocolate Starfish Trek VI: The Undiscovered Cunt

Porridge said...

Wanking the Dead <3

That's ace

Julian Meteor said...

Black Peter!!!!!!!!! lol

Sewmouse said...

Big Screen:
White Men Can't Hump
The Wankers of Eastwick
Grope Me in St. Louis

Somewhat less big screen:
The Lust Boat
Girlyman's Island
American Pervert

Gerrard said...

One gay in september - it's a comedy about a fanatical gay palestinian who takes a load of Israeli jews hostage at the 1972 Munich Olympics. Highlights include the Israeli weight lifter being shown live on TV standing at the window with a Palestine flag stuck in his arse and a gay rainbow flag between his teeth. Comedy gold.

wild-seven said...

Lauwrence of A-Labia
Josie and the PussyFarts

*shakes head in shame*

Vic Torey-Paughn said...

The Nine O'Cock Nudes

Debster said...

Not the Nine O'Clock Nudes

isolator42 said...

2009: One Wedding & a Funeral, starring Jade Goody?

Anonymous said...

Yay to Isolator but she's got time to squeeze in a few divorces just for the fun of it I reckon.

Dr Poo is a Viz creation I believe.


Obsence Panto

A lad in the poo hole - behind you!!

I'll get me coat.

GT

Invicta said...

Clitty Clitty Gang Bang

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