I have autism.
I have a condition that has blessed me with special autistic superpowers, just like that Dustin Hoffman.
- I can recite pi to one decimal place
- I have a gift for artistic expression, as the picture on the left proves
- I am an excellent driver
- If I don't get home in time to watch EastEnders, I get a little miffed and will watch it on BBC iPlayer, if I've got the time
To be perfectly honest, being autistic isn't all outstanding mental prowess and the reading of unguarded minds for fun and profit. In fact, it's a bit shit. I'm a journalist with Asperger's, for the love of Dog.
This - as you'd imagine - makes the whole "Would you like to give an interview?" concept a little difficult. Especially when the journo is hiding behind the sofa in the press room. It doesn't matter in the long run, mind you. I getting everything I need from the interviewee with the special autistic mental probe.
I am perfectly normal. Doesn't everybody arrange their bookcase in ascending order of the number of words?
I've also got a plastic hand with a built-in ray-gun. No, hang on. That's Autons.