1. "UNEXPECTED ITEM IN BAGGING AREA"
The supermarket sliding doors open, and a breath of air rustles over the self-service till. As one, all four customers roll their eyes and wait for the assistant to address their non-functioning scanner with the "You're a spacker" swipe card.
You are a prisoner of technology, and the machines have decided that you are an unworthy example of humanity, turning on their fleshy masters in the only way they know how.
"UNEXPECTED ITEM IN BAGGING AREA"
Enraged, you grab the nearest item to hand – a pot of value brand coleslaw from the "Reduced to Clear" shelf, and pour it into the loose change slot.
You are carted away in a police van, despite being feted as a hero by the shopping proletariat masses, a Facebook campaign page for your release already having a massive six members, and your partially eaten French stick returned to the shelves.
And there, in your police cell, a figure comes out of the shadows, and you realise – with some horror – that you are not alone.
"UNEXPECTED ITEM IN BAGGING AREA"
18 comments:
First in the queue.
Can air rustle?
Yes. Yes it can.
There is no proof of this, but it is 100% of SCIENTIFIC FACT
Ah, so that was you in Cowley Road Tesco last night. The humans on the checkout could do with a software upgrade too.
Have a try on the Tesco Photo Kiosks... go on, I double-dare you :)
Where can I get a "You're a spacker" swipe card? I want to use one in a non-supermarket venue.
I'm with Erin. I'd just like to see if the card works in ATMs in Ireland.
"Unexpected bag in item area."
I used to hate it when management types called us employees "resources", so dehumanising, and belittling.
p.s. Now the shoe is on the other foot I like to use the word "resources" because it's so dehumanising, and belittling.
that's a good roffle right there ya!
I hate this shit.
Norway has just implemented a new rule to make it virtually IMPOSSIBLE to buy cigarettes. In order to get my regular fix I must now get in line, ask the person behind the counter to get XYZ tobacco brand for me, wait for that person to go behind the secret screen (fat people just don't fit behind the secret screen), then wait for the person to filter through every small item card that's in there (around 60 I suppose) which from now on HAS NO LOGO anymore so s/he must practically read through each and every, hoping that s/he finds it before s/he can swipe the card through the machine, I can pay, and get in line at the automatic machines where the cards are translated into the goods.
It's at this second line it gets blurry and people starts to scream when I pull out my semi-automatic....
And they seriously wonder why people go on a rampage!
@ Scary. That's ASDA right? Try the Morrisons one: "Place the item in the bag" after each item. And if you don't, "You can't do that, Dave".
@ Sigg. Give up? If everyone gave up then there would be all that expensive eqiuipment laying about doing nothing. That'll teach them.
Feel sorry for Pensioners "persuaded" by shop staff to use the scanners - sadistic bastroids- cos a) they're being forced to use technology about which they don't have a scooby and b) they're being deprived of a blether with probably the only person they've been able to have a chat too.
Surely if you are in chokey that should be unexpected item in debagging area?
We don't have those here. Possibly because we're mostly decended from pirates and it would not go well.
"Arrrr! I'll give ya an unexpected item, matey!"
Oh yes. Especially when the unexpected item is the blinking bag...
Dawn - not even the Wal-Mart?! I think it's mostly them and the SuperCentres that have them here.
Agreed.
@Richard; but if I gave up I wouldn't run the risk of getting cancer!
..oh, wait
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