Monday, February 08, 2010

On conquering your nerves

On conquering your nerves

Another day, another departmental heads-together. Sad to say, I was arm-twisted into taking the minutes, of which the following is an accurate representation of events*.

"What... what are you doing?"

"Just a little tip my life coach taught me about speaking with confidence in meetings."

"Yes – and...?

"He told me – and you'll laugh – that the best way to conquer my nerves is to imagine that everybody in the room is naked."

"Right. OK. I can see how that can be effective. But that doesn't explain..."

"... so I'm imagining you naked. Turn to the right a bit. Alright."

"You disgust me."

"Has anyone got a tissue? A box of tissues?"

* May not be an accurate representation of events

15 comments:

Lord Andrew of Goulding said...

Doesn't everybody do that? I've always imagined Scaryduck plucked.

TRT said...

Not such useful advice when the local PCSO was giving a lecture on security at the local nudist camp.

Anonymous said...

great read. I would love to follow you on twitter. By the way, did any one learn that some chinese hacker had busted twitter yesterday again.

Anonymous said...

interesting article. I would love to follow you on twitter. By the way, did you guys know that some chinese hacker had busted twitter yesterday again.

Kaptain_Von said...

We tried the same thing a few years ago. It was going okay until our boss walked in. Within five minutes the waste paper bin was overflowing with vomit and our PR manager had jumped from a fourth floor window.

Erin said...

LOL @ Kaptain_Von. Bet you were happy it ended the meeting early though.

Scaryduck said...

Anon: Worst spam ever.

Debster said...

This thread useless without photos.

Pseudonymph said...

But...how does he imagine his readers as he gets our comments, day after day?

Squeakypony said...

If anybody is interested, I have the body of a 30 year old Adonis.

I keep it in the deep freeze with the rest of them ...

p.s. What is Anon selling? Where do I send my bank details? I'm confused.

Debster said...

Squeaky - send your bank details to me. And the card. And your wallet. And your clothes. I will then imagine you naked and cashless. Deal?

TRT said...

Or no deal?

Or is it just plain WRONG to mention the beardy one in a post about nudity?

WrathofDawn said...

Next time, Duckles, remember to take your box of tissues to the meeting with you.

*sigh* It's hard to get good help.

Mind you, it can be good to get hard help.

And it can be a help to get good hard.

/gets coat.

WrathofDawn said...

Also: LAST!

Ninja said...

Did anyone see the bearded one in the Christmas special? He was dressed as a demonic little elf. Nudity would probably have been less disturbing.