You never see Boy Scouts helping old ladies across the road these days. It's not that they don't want to - it's the NuLab Politically Correct Do-Gooder Brigade that won't let them, in case a frail pensioner accidentally falls into the relentlessly flailing machinery of a passing snow-blower and sues the Scots* back to the Stone Age.
In the words of Tomorrow's World: "That is, until now."
Like the Scouts, I have "Been Prepared" and have personally addressed the problem of flocks of pensioners stranded on the wrong side of the road, so near yet so far from their part-time job at the local pole-dancing club. As a cleaner.
*FOOM!*
*THONK!*
The satisfying sound of the Scaryduck Labs air-powered granny-cannon, lobbing senior citizens over roaring traffic, landing happily on a Scaryduck Labs mattress, cunningly stolen from Weymouth tip and place on the pavement opposite this mighty weapon.
I'll be the first to admit that the testing of the guidance system didn't go as well as hoped; but despite the hoo-hah kicked up by the local press all of my brave testers were buried under quicklime with full honours.
Now that this rigorous testing process is complete, we are able to place a Mark 27 Granny Cannon on every street corner and the Scout movement will be able to close down at last.
Next Week - Disbanding and disarming the Boys Brigade: A Global Problem
* Also: The Scouts. Who needs one of these new-fangled "spellcheckers"?
14 comments:
First for wondering what the Scots have got to do with anything.
spellcheck went out of kilter?
Spell check? What's that?
You'll be a granny yourself one day.
You will need to rub more than just a pair of boy scouts together to get that thing to go off.
p.s. Sniff ... sniff ... can anybody else smell wee?
The Gran-a-pult must be next...
Are the labs close to the bunker or are you in need of a fleet of pre-owned Mini Mokes? I also have a surplus monorail form my recent hollowed-out volcano clearence. May do a deal if you are willing to adapt the granny cannons to fire Greenpeace operatives at whales. German T
Might I make a suggestion? I believe a *FOOM!*, judiciously placed before the *THONK!* will increase this entry's content of WIN by 200%.
:-D
Gad, you're right. One FOOM coming right up.
Also: No mad scientist can call himself properly mad without his fleet of mini mokes.
It doesn't matter how many FOOMs or THONKs your cannon produces, it'll never be as good as the cannons you used to get when I was a girl, and the price of bread nowadays, etc.
I'd be very wary of tackling the Woodcraft Folk.
Where has the other comments box gone???
As a venture capitalist and millionaire infomercials marketer, I suggest that you hold the granny-cannon's release back until November, capitlizing on the Xmas market.
You thief! You stole that cannon from the Kremlin. Now how is anyone supposed to be able to cross the road to the gardens without getting aggressively whistled at and/or gently shot by the guards?
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