On Top Ten Cheese FACTS
Cheese. It is excellent. Tasty, tasty fromage-flavoured excellence. And not only that, cheese also comes with FACTS which you can get out at a cheese-and-pineapple party to impress fellow guests.
Let's hear it for cheese, everybody!
10. "Biscuits for cheese", now a staple of Boxing Day buffets, started out as a minority pressure group affiliated to Al Qaeda
9. Red Leicester is dead people
8. The patron saint of cheese – and indeed cheese-makers and purveyors of dairy products – is the big guy himself, Cheesus Christ. He now makes a living from the proceeds of Cathedral City
7. When the Cheddar cheese mines were closed in the early 1980s as a result of Thatcherite cuts, locals devised an alternative recipe involving cows.
6. Staff at Ten Downing Street called the National Bullying Helpline after an enraged Gordon Brown withdrew their Dairylea allowance
5. Ever wondered where they get the wax for Edam and Gouda? The Dutch government has the EU monopoly on the recycling of used Q-Tips
4. Cheshire cheese isn't actually from Cheshire. The name derives from the Old English for "Cheese Hire", where citizens could only borrow the product from the local squire for a small fee.
3. Dodging the issue of whether the Jaffa Cake is a cake or a biscuit, the European Union has ruled that the snack is, in fact, cheese. Lovely, tasty chocolate-and-orange flavoured cheese. Conversely, so-called 'cheese' slices in burgers have been classified as footwear
2. Fondue has been listed as a weapon of mass destruction, and its continued use sees pariah state Switzerland added to the so-called Axis of Evil along with North Korea, Iran and those bastards from Tuvalu
1. Cheese-loving celebrities include: Prime Minister Gordon Brie-own; slattern-turned-novelist Babybel du Jour; Sesame Street characters Ernie and Camem-Bert; and former England goalkeeper Peter Stilton
Bonus FACT: Need proof that the moon's made of cheese? Try this one for size: "MMMOOONN" is an anagram of "OM NOM NOM" (via TV's @jasonarnopp)