Time and time again I've told my old Arsenal pal Osama Bin Laden to tone things down a bit and change the bloody record. We're sick, we've told him, sick to the back teeth of endless Holy War in his cave-o-gram messages. Jihad, Jihad, Jihad – BOR-ING!And at last, he's paid attention – his latest message dumping the whole "Death to the Infidel" thing in favour of a rather fluffier "Save the planet from global warming because we think polar bears are ace" motif.
We can't help but suspect that this whole going green thing might just be a huge double bluff of Osama's part.
"Ah-ha!" our governments are thinking, "Osama wants us to save the planet through drastic cuts in our carbon dioxide output and turning to sustainable development.
"We must – therefore – do exactly the opposite."
Of course, given carte blanche to continue the rape of our environment, it will not be long before the poor, down-trodden citizens of the so-called Third World rise against the greedy infidel capitalists of the West, leading to the Endless Holy War that Bin Laden craves.
And you think we don't know your little "Is it just me or is this cave getting warmer?" game, eh Osama?
Just wait until the ice caps melt, your cave floods and you are completely drowned TO DEATH. Or ripped apart by homeless, starving polar bears. Or both. I, for one, will laugh my tits completely off.
Checkmate.
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