On vintage sweet shops

On vintage sweet shops

Sherbert Dips

Black Jacks

A bag of cough candy

Sweet cigarettes

But, you know - sod the lot of them, for there is only one vintage confectionary of choice.

I refer, of course, to the one and only Licorice Imps.

"You what?"

You've never had them, have you? Licorice Imps are tiny, tiny black squares of condensed malevolence with the ability to kill at two hundred yards.

Just one or two for the unitiated who have them dashing for several gallons of water to douse the flames, followed by hours of red-hot hell at the urinal.

Of course, they only had one use for the teenager who just just graduated from sucking on a good, hard Fisherman's Friend: A playground "Who's hardest?" contest.

We would meet by the metal horse, packs of Imps in hand. Then, on the signal, they would be stuffed into mouths, and the screaming would begin.

Closely followed by projectile vomiting of hideous black sick inna hedge.

Happy, happy days.