Angry.And the reason for my anger is this: A man driving a Mini.
A man, complete with Rupert the Bear scarf, designer glasses and hipster haircut driving a mini over Caversham Bridge in the morning rush hour.
My blood boiled.
"Sir!" I shouted, "You are a man in a woman's car! Get yourself the second-cheapest BMW, you utter disgrace to humanity."
This outburst, I will be the first to admit, lost a certain amount of authority coming as it did from a short, fat bloke driving a blue Nissan Micra. Yet my point stands.
The new Mini is nothing but a car for girls. A car for successful girls aged between 25 and 40, solely for driving between their designated parking space in a modern flats developemnt to a designated parking space somewhere in an out-of-town office park.
The kind of successful young lady with a wardrobe of designer clothes, a somewhat smaller wardrobe of flimsy designer lingerie and an impressive collection of clockwork cucumbers in the second drawer down of her bedside cabinet, next to the secret diary abandoned three days after watching the first Bridget Jones movie.
Yes. Quite.
So, let's get this right:
- Successful young ladies: Mini
- Successful young men: BMW
- Short, round blog authors: Blue ex-film prop Nissan Micra, with twin turbo 6.0 litre engine, phased plasma rifles, time-travel enabled
- Old People: Proton, or aging Rover 75
- White van man: White van
- Everybody else: Ford Focus
Got it? Let us put an end to this nonsense for once and for all.
17 comments:
Mid-life crisis: Ducati
Soon to be widow: ageing Volvo 4wd.
Were you in Crewe last week? I was by the crossroads of Broad St and Badger Avenue about 8:45 one morning and I swear I saw the Fail Whale attempting wheel spin as it pulled away from the lights. It was a man driving. With a grey hair
I went to Crewe once. I was on a train.
The Nissan Micra is actually a descendant of the original Mini, the originals being a 70's angular makeover with a licenced copy of the Mini's innards.
Norralorrapaypulnodat.
Bloody hell, he'll be taking a pop at the Mexicans next.
Keep up - it's Albanians this week.
Cocks: Audi
They are not Albanians, they are Shquiperians. Or some such.
@Confused: except the new Q5 which are beautiful and shit all over the X3.
Apparently.
happy to be one of "everybody else". There's nothing better for scaring folk in their pricey posh new motors on the Hanger Lane gyratory then an 11year old Focus covered in dents & scrapes. See you there at around 4:15 this afternoon :)
I have a nephew who owns a Ford Focus - check! Another, very successful nephew who owns a BMW - check!
My dad's old, but doesn't own a Proton or ageing Rover, and my niece's hubby drives a Micra automatic. These people need to be informed.
Points:
1) no one over the age of 18 can be accurately termed a "girl"
2) you have missed a whole demographic, i.e. short, round, female, not-terribly-successful blog authors
3) I will NOT drive a Ford Focus under any circumstances.
Maybe the guy was gay?
Wot about Corsa driver?
What about them?
Corsa drivers are more refined!
BTW Minis are also be driven by hairdressing men.
When I drive I drive the wife's bright yellow Peugeot 107, "so yellow it hurts your eyes yellow" with a spoiler on the roof.
I have to admit, when I see myself reflected in the windows of the many cars who overtake me, it looks all wrong.
I drive a grey Honda CRV, the blandest 4WD on the planet. It was bought because I liked the reversing camera and the heated seats.
I ride a red BMW R1100RS, purchased from a man who supplied ostriches to the set of the Prince of Persia. When revved hard it makes the same noise as a middle aged man contemplating Gemma Arterton. Which is not the same noise as the middle aged man riding it actually makes: more a rising shriek of panic as the next roundabout approaches.
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