Tuesday, February 22, 2011



In the wake of last week's Fish Finger Sandwich revelations, I feel it my duty to write to another purveyor of fine foods for their contribution to the impending firey death of our planet and all who dwell on it.

Dear Nescafe

A hearty Nescafe Handshake to you all!

Congratulations on your newest product: The sachet of combined coffee, sugar and milk for lazy people who like their beverages to taste of Scout Huts. Despite being a BLASPHEMY that goes against all the teachings of six thousand years of modern civilisation, the people behind it are clearly Grade A geniuses who should be given the rest of the day off as a reward.

However, I can't help thinking that this new innovation might be missing a trick.

You see, there are a great many coffee drinkers who do not take their drink with sugar and/or milk and this has got me thinking out loud:

If only you made such a product which provided the coffee lover with just coffee, leaving them with the option of adding sugar and milk to taste?

And, in the name of convenience, do away with the plastic sachets, which are a crime against modern civilisation, and sell them to us in glass containers, which I believe are called "jars". I have several in my shed you can have but you might want to give them a bit of a rinse first.

I don't know about you, but I think this could be the biggest thing since the bloke who invented sliced bread thought to himself "Hey, it's only eleven o'clock, I've already invented sliced bread - how about something hot to drink that's not tea?"

Think about it. This time next year, Rodders....

Your pal

Albert O'Balsam
There. Charming as usual.

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