Shaving with Gravy
I've just cracked open a new tin of shaving gel. And frankly...
Dear Nivea
I'm not going to beat about the bush with false platitudes and what-not. I'm just going to say it:
Your sensitive skin Shaving Gel looks just like man's spunk. I opened the new tin, pressed the button, and watched in horror as a jet of jism spurted out all over my hand.
Unless you have extensive market research that proves the opposite, no man wants to shave his face with spunk, for it is ten shades of wrongness.
For did not Moses come off down the mountain and tell his people: "Thou shalt not shave thy faces with thyne own man gravy, or the man gravy of thyne brother, for it is an ABOMINATION in the face of The Lord, and those who commit such BLASPHEMY shall suffer death"? I think you'll find that he did, and is one of the main reasons that all known photographs of the great man show him sporting a bloody huge beard.
And despite being a deity-curious atheist, I'm with old Jehovah on this one. Unless you're willing to change the name to "Nivea Bukkake-Gel for men who like to shave their faces with actual spunk", I'm going to jump ship and purchase a tube of King of Shaves Fanny Batter Foam.
Be Lucky
Your pal,
Albert O'Balsam
PS If it really is spunk, my ...err... friend wants to know if you've got any jobs going.
If I get a reply, I'll eat my carpet slippers.
I've just cracked open a new tin of shaving gel. And frankly...
16 comments:
pfftttttttttttt sprayed my cofeee, hilarious :)
Hmm second for NSFW website - where are Teh Kittehs?
Being shaved as we speak
WoD
Beating about the bush is a reliable way of producing man spunk, so I am reliably informed.
You'll let us know if you get a reply, won't you?
Like it.
I know someone* who swears that spunk is good for her ski n.
* NOT a euphamism for me by the way.
It's the best a man can get.
Awww, and I thought this post was going to be giving advice and tips on how to shave without ripping three layers of skin off.
Billy - if you are ripping skin off, you are doing it RONG.
I'm not, it's just a fact of life that ALL wet shavers are a bag of shite and don't work.
Either that or I have abnormally tough whiskers...
Billy: I've been told to use hair conditioner on yer fuzz before shaving. Works.
And I wasnt talking about shaving.
@Debster - lol (oh, christ, I said lol)
Thanks, Aistair - shall give that a go.
It's odd how the very last bit of Gillette foam in a can is given out in much the same way as the dust from the vinegar strokes.
I use King of Shaves which is quite jizzumy, apart from the menthol.
And the bubbles.
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