Regular readers may remember my peer-reviewed scientific paper into the "Quantative measurement of madness in female subjects over the age of 35", relating to a certain state of advanced hysteria in ladies of a certain age. To whit: Mad Cat Women.
Our study into Susan Boyle's Law concluded that any female household with three or more feline co-inhabitants invites the observer to conclude that the human resident would be what is scientifically termed a Mad Cat Woman
"Ah-ha!" says one of my peer reviewers into this extraordinary paper (who wishes to remain anonymous), "We have three cats, but as my daughter has moved back in, there are TWO FEMALE ADULTS living in the house.
"That makes us," she concluded, "a mere 1.5 cats mad, which is perfectly acceptable."
Sadly, I reply, you have failed to take Schroedinger's Cat Woman Paradox into account.
Schroedinger (who is, FACT fans, the kid from Charlie Brown who played the piano all grown up and working in actual SCIENCE) wrote:
"In normal circumstances, a straight number of cats (c) divided by number of females adults (n) calculation would be acceptable. However, to the outside observer, the field collapses and n always equals one.We hope we have heard the last of this madness.
"This means that any female adult living in a house of - say - three cats, will be seen by the outside observer to be Three Cats Mad with all the stigma and/or benefits that go with said status.
"Obviously, the higher the value of c, the more likely that n tends to one, even if male adults and/or dogs are present. With higher c values of 12 or more, all adults (even males) may be termed Mad Cat Women according to the remote observer existing at zero gravity in a vacuum."