With government cuts biting hard, and the Big Society coming into full effect, I've decided that I'm going to jack in my rubbish job as a lollipop lady and work in a library.Budgets are tight down in Dorset, and, quite sensibly, cuts are to be aimed at those least likely to fight back: for eg, tramps looking for somewhere to sleep in between using the free internet to keep up with their pals on Tramps Reunited.
And that's where the Big Society comes in. Why pay these expensive, hot librarians when you can get some publicly-spirited volunteer to do it for free? It is a BLASPHEMY to all right-thinking Daily Express readers to even imagine these so-called librarians, lounging around in warm, centrally-heated buildings, sipping coffee, feet up on copies of the GOOD LORD'S Bible, mocking us all with their platinum-plated pensions, smouldering behind the counter in the way that only hot librarians can manage.
This is the kind of job that ought to be done for nothing by the kind of person that works in charity shops, for it is no different. In fact, they should close all the libraries, merge them with charity shops, and nobody would even notice. And I want some of that hot librarian action.
All for no payment whatsoever except the satisfaction that you are keeping the Chief Executive of the County Council in freshly-peeled virgins, as is his birthright. And the company of hot librarians.
Why I shouldn't become a Hot Librarian
Why I should become a Hot Librarian
- Tramps
- Tramps on the free internet surfing Reader's Tramps Dot Com
- Having to change my name to Coleman the Librarian
- Allergic to rubber stamps, inability to say the word "Shhh!" without adding "ite" at the end, which could annoy the other Hot Librarians
- Not actually being Hot Librarian material, for eg: Not Hot. Not a Librarian
- The continued stocking of books by Dan Brown, DESPITE THE PROPHECY
- Not actually getting paid for it
- Grateful yummy mummies, many of whom claim to "like a man with a brain", who, after requesting if you have anything on naked yoga, ask if you'd care to show them the contents of your reference sectionActually, come to think of it, I'd much rather my local libraries stayed a) open and b) staffed by salaried hot librarians as the valued, vital members of the community that they are.
- The continued stocking of books by "Anonymous", DESPITE THE PROPHECY
Right, kids?
15 comments:
Our library is going self-service and most of our librarians are losing their jobs, It would be a tragedy of epic proportions if Emma, our very own Hot Librarian is one of them.
Done a genuine LOL at Coleman the Librarian.
Indeed, our library has become self service, with perspex Daleks at the door ready to exterminate the ear drums of anyone who walks out without having microwaved their loan reading material. On entering the library you can turn right for the kids section or left for the tramp section. I kid you not. There's stains on the parquet floor that marks the haunt of the regulars.
Marks on BOTH sides.
I have never seen a porno featuring librarians. I lived with a librarian once. She was hot, but she only dated other librarians.
They keep to themselves. They are highly educated and really smart. They have their own programming/query language too.
We won't notice them until they're all gone and teh aliens invade us.
Looks like somebody has been taking Episodes too seriously.
Surely you're a member of the Big Society (TM) by being a member of al-Beebazeera?
Some bloke on R4 this morning claimed that Dorset CC was getting more money next year, so you could be a Hot Librarian and get paid for it.
I snorted at 'al-Beebazeera'.
I would say it's time for a hobby, but that would probably only lead to woe.
More woe, I mean.
Sick-inna-shelf-fulla-books dosn't have the same panache that sick-inna-hedge does.
On the plus side, you might find where the Tramps hide their bottles of Buckfast behind the books in the reference section
Larrington: The 'more money for Dorset' thing is a bit of creative accounting. Others might call it a hairy-arsed lie.
Proper lol'd at Coleman the Librarian. That is all.
i lol'd in analog format at the recognition that 'ite' does come only natural following 'Shhh'
I say to your brain...
'Well Played...'
Proper lol'd at Coleman the Librarian. That is all.
5:56 PM
me, too!
WoD
Looks like someone has had too much time on their hands during the last staff meeting and wasn't paying much attention.
This can only lead to woe of the "Nice of you to volunteer, Coleman" variety, I fear.
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