On Dining Like Kings
I'll be the first to admit that I've not been a lucky man in my life. After all, I bet winners like Charlie Sheen have never had to crap in their shed.
But, my luck turned last week when I won a packet of six Bernard Matthews Turkey Drummers in a competition.
And, by "winning", I mean "shining a torch through the scratchcard they give you at the till in Iceland to find the winning combination, what possible karmic retribution could a man expect from what might be construed as cheating in order to win a pound's worth of processed Turkey products?"
Not much of a victory against The Man, but that night, we DINED LIKE KINGS.
Then we had INDIGESTION LIKE KINGS.
And due to the lack of facilities, we were BANISHED TO THE SHED LIKE KINGS.
It's tough work being a King. I don't think I'll bother applying for the job next time there's a vacancy.