On sorting out football for once and for all

"When I am king," says the internet's Dotmund,"Shirt numbers over thirty will be banned in football."

The internet's Al__S agrees. "Ban personal numbers! The starting eleven should always wear numbers 1 -11"

But why use a system that is open to abuse? Why not use a method that is limited to - say - 26 squad members.

"I will support any team," I chip in, "whose players run out in alphabetical order, A-K. Except Spurs. And Chelsea."

We are agreed.

Squads limited to twenty-six players, lettered A-Z. "Plus," says Dotmund,"Your back four could spell out swears."

But why stop at the back four? Why not line up with a good old-fashioned 4-2-4 formation spelling out L I C K - M Y - A R S E?

The FA could even take on certain rules from Scrabble, and offer bonus points for words spelled out from the entire rack, double for swears: S I C K B U M HO L E

Sepp Blatter and his FIFA cronies need to get onto this right now - think of the language-learning opportunities that future World Cups could offer.

We are not mad.