Wednesday, May 16, 2012

One Hundred ....err... Forty-Nine Shit (mostly action) Movies You Should See Before You Die

This is NOT a list of shit movies. Shit movies are ten-a-penny.

This is a list of shit, brainless movies that you'd watch anyway, unable to tear yourself away from what is unfolding on the screen, despite the sheer shitness. And here lies the idfference between a mere bad film and a shit movie. Shit movies invite popcorn, bad films are fit only for scorn.

It's an important distinction. For example, I would watch Raise the Titanic because it's bad. I would not watch Titanic, because life's too short to waste my life watching again. Also, Pretty Woman.

1. Passenger 57
2. Demolition Man
3. Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome
4. The Fast and the Furious (Entire film series)
5. Death Becomes Her
6. Star Wars I: The Phantom Menace
7. The Room
8. Forever Young
9. Hudson Hawk
10. Howard the Duck

11. Waterworld
12. Batman and Robin
13. Spaceballs
14. Battlefield Earth
15. Raise the Titanic
16. The Core
17. Anaconda
18. Snakes on a Plane
19. The Happening
20. The Boat That Rocked

21. Parting Shots
22. Mars Attacks
23. Casino Royale (1967)
24. Lifeforce
25. The Hottie and The Nottie (Paris Hilton. Needs to be seen to be believed)
26. Meet the Spartans
27. Son of The Mask (Everybody involved in this film should be hunted down and given a good, stern talking to)
28. Nothing to Lose (I saw this on a plane, and begged for the plane to crash)
29. A View to a Kill
30. Action Jackson

31. Big Trouble in Little China
32. Beverly Hills Cop III (Or, any film with the words 'Beverly Hills' in the title, or Eddie Murphy)
33. GI Joe: The Rise Of Cobra
34. Judge Dredd
35. Rambo II & Rambo III
36. Star Trek V (Or any odd-numbered Star Trek movie)
37. Leprechaun
38. The Black Hole
39. Wild Wild West
40. Sex and the City II

41. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
42. Mr Majorium's Magic Emporium
43. X Men Origins: Wolverine
44. Glitter
45. Big Momma's House II
46. The Scorpion King
47. Crank (or any film starring Jason 'Geezer' Statham)
48. Bangkok Dangerous
49. Road House (starrying Patrick Swayze, Patrick Swayze's mullet)

New entries
50. The Rock
51. Aliens vs Predator
52. Con Air
53. Starship Troopers
54. The Vikings
55. Commando

Several dozen other shit movies. Give me a break. I'm working on it. Leave your suggestions in the comments, if you'd be so kind.

No comments: