"I'd like to hire a video please""Yes, well, we've got a wide choice."
"What do you recommend?"
Our family had joined the video age with the purchase of a top-loading Panasonic VHS machine wth clunking great buttons on the front.
It had cost the best part of four hundred quid, and another forty was blown on two tapes to feed it. One was the good-but-not-brilliant Porridge movie from which I have gleaned my lifelong "Our ordeal is over" line, and the other was blank.
We immediately recorded Jaws on the E-180, and couldn't record anything else until a major pay rise funded some more blanks.
I was, then, ordered to join the corner shop's newly-formed video club and get in some top-drawer family entertainment.
"What do you recommend?"
"What are you after?"
Comedy. If there's one thing that brings a family together - and ours in particular - it is comedy.
"In which case, I've got the very film for you. It's a scream."
Friday night.
We all sat round. Family. Friends. A few guests who had never seen a VCR in operation. Solemnity mixed with a little bit of excitement, all thanks to the magic of Hollywood.
Lights down.
"Fuck you"
"Get the fuck out of here!"
"Fucking fucking fuckity fuck"
"Get the fuck out of here!"
And so on, for 105 fuck-filled minutes.
Lights back up.
A circle of family members, friends and guests, all doing very passable goldfish impressions.
In retrospect, Beverly Hills Cop was a fucking awful choice for a family movie.
"Well. That was pretty fucking poor, wasn't it?"
Elderly aunts, eh? Holding a grudge against Eddie Murphy all the way to the grave.
20 comments:
F'in' FIRST!
Should have gone for Sex With the Headless Corpse and the Virgin Astronaut.
*fond memories of the old top loader*
In fact we still tape things off the tv onto a video tape. Because SOMEONE thought that all the machines had an HDR in them. They don't. It must specifiy HDR on the product specifications. Welcome to Ludditeville, Australia.
Bet you thought I was going to say 'Have we got a video?'
I used restraint. And didn't.
YES. WE'VE GOT A VIDEO.
I'm holding a grudge against Erin Murphy all the way to the grave.
Why wouldn't you?
That's me in the corner - looking for betamax tapes.
I thought you were going to say it was Four Weddings and a Funeral.
Fuck you.
Beverley Hills Cop and Beverley Hills Cop II were two of the greatest movies ever made.
Don't talk about number 3 though. Just don't even mention it.
"Forget you!" *
* Cut-for-TV version
Poor dead Eddie Murphy.
I've got a long memory, Aunty Brenda...
And Eddie's my cousin. He doesn't live in Beverly Hills, though.
That film should be SOOOO remade starring Arthur Bostrom.
"Disturbing the piss? I got thrown out of a widow! What's the frock in chidge for getting poshed out of a mooing cow, huh? Joywanking?"
Done a LOL @ TRT
@Erin: I thought I saw a family resemblance...
Poor dear, sweet, undermedicated TRT.
hilarity for the wrong reasons in the TV version:
"Get the funk outta here, you muddy-funster" & so much cut out altogether that the plot is unfollowable & about the same running time as a Tom & Jerry cartoon.
"...oh. Have we got a Video?"
I never understood why anybody found Eddie Murphy funny!
Dear The Blogger of This Blog:
I would like to strongly protest the lack of a Saturday post such as you have allowed your readers to come to expect.
Strongly,
A Disapointed Reader Who Shall Remain Anonymous.
Oh.
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