Scaryduck: Not Scary. Not a Duck.

Stuff Image by Mark France

Being in the main an account of the remarkable and varied exploits of Scaryduck:
Genius, gentleman explorer, French cabaret chantoose and small bets placed.
A riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma, stuffed up a dog's bottom

Nearly voted best
blog in Europe - FACT!

Buy my Book!

Tales of Mirth and Woe
with an introduction by
Neil Gaiman
Now available from Amazon

Other Tentacles in the Scaryduck Corporation

Subscribe to our site feed
The Scaryduck Archive
On Twitter
On Myspace
On Facebook
Angry people in local newspapers
Scaryduck Death Pool
The "Done a Poo" Blog
Scaryduck's House of Lies
Robber Rabbit: the Scaryduck Overflow blog
About Scaryduck
Fifty things
Blogger Profile
My Amazon wishlist
Buy me stuff!

scaryduck AT fastmail.fm

== Blinkbox ==
Watch movies online

www.talk4longer.net
0-1p UK international calls

Photo-duck

www.flickr.com

Recent Scary Posts

On getting your hair cut
On lunchtime meetings
On Movie FACTS
On the lovely Debbie McGee
Mirth and Woe: Making Movies
On recycling
On old wives tales
On Shopping
On not getting visited by TV's John and Edward, wh...
On Two Tribes going to war

Scary's Link-o-matic

Arseblog
Twenty Major
Bloggerheads
Diamond Geezer
Rikaitch
No Good Boyo
Gyppo Byard
Oddbloke
Gert
Misty
Wrath of Dawn
Pseudonymph
Joy Durham
This Is This
Lord Likely
Andy Fanton
Apelad
I Am Livid
Neil Gaiman
Thomas Dolby
Wil Wheaton
PZ Myers
Robert Popper
Steve Dix
Ricardipus
James Moran
Adam Macqueen
Sigg3
The Wendy House
Dotmund
Link Machine Go
Doctor Vee
Random Acts of Reality
My Boyfriend is a Twat
D4D
Neonbubble
Vicus Scurra
Mosher
The Law West of Ealing Broadway
Gordon McLean
Jerry Chicken
90 Minutes of Burridge
Goat Food
Mad Dogs & Englishmen
Shatterforth
Chinook

Rampant self-promotion

Webloogle Blog Directory

Comments by Haloscan

Blog Network:

Name:
Scaryduck: Not Scary. Not a Duck

Topics:
humour, humor, poo

Join my network

Blog Networks

Archives

Best of Scaryduck

Thursday, November 12, 2009

On plugging God

The Church of England, I read, is suffering from a bit of an identity crisis.

So much so that one of its bishops recently stated that the church 'shouldn't try to convert Marks and Spencer customers', but should instead be working to attract the easily-converted masses seen drooling in the aisles of low-rent supermarkets such as Aldi and Lidl.

So far, so sane.

It is clear that the one thing organised religion needs is new brains to wash, and what better way of getting hold of them than through the drug-addled world of corporate advertising?

With new rules allowing advertisers to directly attack their competitors, and to do just about anything short of crapping through their letterboxes (it being the only language these curs understand), the way is clear for your local church to engage in a Holy War to poach knee-benders from the heathen house of blasphemy down the road.

Bearing in mind that four-letter abuse is the new black, let's get a few slogans together to help our robed betters get ahead in advertising and promote the virtues of the invisible sky zombie. As a self-confessed deity-curious atheist and serial BLASPHEMER, I feel it is nothing short of my duty:

- I can't believe it's not Buddha

- Goths, Vampires and Freaks! Free actual blood – every Sunday!

- Scientologists! Our magic sky zombie's better than your magic sky zombie

- Scientologists! Guaranteed Tom Cruise-free since 1985

- Catholics! Double your chance of a date. We've got altar girls as well!

- Mormons: Multpile mothers-in-law? You bunch of daft, slack-jawed spackers

- Soap fans! Our God's his own son. Fuck, yeah!

- Atheists! Free beer, money and sex for every new convert*
*May be a lie. We've got a book full of 'em

- Islamists! You bunch of part-timers. Brutally slaying unbelievers for 6,000 years, in ways that'll make your skin fall off like a heathen in a vat of boiling oil

- Jedis! Come to the Dark Side

And if that doesn't get them surging through the doors next Sunday, I'm afraid it's going to be Plan B. And frankly, the Women's Institute isn't going to be pleased.

Labels: Blasphemy, Religion

New Hotness Blogger Comments: 20 Spicy Brains
Old and Busted Haloscan Comments:

Subscribe to site feed - posted by Scaryduck on Thursday, November 12, 2009

Comments:

Firstness...!

Muslims: do what you want, there's justification for almost anything SOMEWHERE in the koran..!

# posted by

Sailinghome : 5:52 AM

They're starting up a church next door. Most nights I can hear the woman screaming 'Oh God! OH! MY! GOD!'

# posted by

Aunty Brenda : 7:00 AM

Yes but do they do better spaghetti?

# posted by

Debster : 7:41 AM

Slogans for our up tight friends
Catholics - Got guilt.
Hari krishna - Rama dama ding dong.
Athisim - Shit happens (working title)
Church of England - Would you like tea with that?

# posted by

m08k : 8:37 AM

As a Mormon I should be mightily offended but the word "Spacker" always makes me ROFL.

# posted by

Oldrym : 9:29 AM

Oldrym: Thank [insert deity here] for that.

# posted by

Scaryduck : 9:38 AM

100% of Genuine I saw outside a church:

Sinners: Try Jesus.
If you don't like him,
The Devil will take you back.

# posted by

Audrey : 9:51 AM

How about:

CH--CH
What's missing?
UR, you massive belmtard, can't you spell?"

# posted by

Scaryduck : 10:37 AM

Church signs:

http://www.oddee.com/item_86516.aspx

Hard to say which is the best, but "The most powerful position is on your knees" may be the winner.

# posted by

Erin : 11:39 AM

Personally I p[refer it when somebody else is on their knees.

# posted by

Debster : 12:43 PM

Off Topic, seeing as you pointedly refused to click the pic on my blog last week, can I ask you not to click the pic on my blog this week...

# posted by

Rik : 12:54 PM

Do bear in mind every single one of us deities is of the vengeful persuasion so it has been arranged that henceforth your Jedward haircut will return without effort on your part. It's the best I can do at short notice.

# posted by

Almighty, Lord High. : 2:08 PM

But surely SD, the answer is in front of you: The Church Of Scaryduck. Consider the facts: "Alpha" male with "messianic tendencies" (aka somebody "They" will think's too clever) ,priests (aka team bloggers), disciples (aka mates from work/uni/school), scriptures (aka SD etc. blogs), temples (aka the blog sites), miracles (aka "you mean you made money from 'Tales Of Mirth And Woe', SD?") and followers (aka er, followers) - there's even a Mother's Union, is there not? (I will refrain from speculating on whether the latter group could double as the C of S's Vestal Virgins [I got into enough trouble with them last
time]). Perhaps you should contact Tony Blair for advice.

# posted by

Westengland : 4:30 PM

14th! i rock

# posted by

The Grand Inquisitor : 7:57 PM

"- I can't believe it's not Buddha"

Made me do a 100% genuine, bona fide LOL.

# posted by

WrathofDawn : 8:56 PM

@ Westengland

The Church of SD?

What about The Church of Done-a-poo?

# posted by

Lord Andrew of Goulding : 9:27 PM

"God is a concept, by which we measure our pain" - JL

# posted by

Of-Course : 10:52 PM

Question of the day from Vicar of Dibley's Jim Trot I think it was:
"Is sex with poodles ALWAYS wrong?"

Discuss.

# posted by

Fremsley : 11:36 PM

Screw them dirty ole women's clubs scary. They only live during the day to suck their own blood.

As far as blood-suckers give em all to me. I have plenty of rounds if ya don't mind atall.

In fact it may though still be tainted like me addle-pathed brains(as if I had some).

Oh and give me Heath Ledger on one side of my neck and Andy Gibb on the other side and oh don't forget about Prince William and Prince Harry and swell I'm in sweet handsome hog celebrity heaven.

I should become a nun. Spank me!

# posted by

Delephine's delight : 3:09 AM

I'm dyslexic; I sold my soul to Santa...

# posted by

Helen McGinn : 6:34 PM