To the local rubbish tip to dispose of a few items surplus to requirements, and to mooch around Cheapskates' Parade for a couple of freebies.Clutching my ill-gotten golf bag to my chest (and discovering from a rapidly-spreading green stain why, exactly, it had been dumped in the first place), I bump into our local beat officer, PC Jackson, struggling toward the household waste skips.
There is the briefest flicker of horrified recognition as I greet him – for being identified in mufti is the greatest fear of the law enforcement officer – and I offer to help heave three large, mis-shapen black plastic sacks into the abyss.
He knows what I'm thinking.
"It's not what you're thinking," he says at length.
I raise an eyebrow, quizzically.
"I should think not," I reply, "Carved up bodies should go in with rubble and hard core."
"Ha ha ha"
"Ha ha ha"
"Ha ha"
"Ha ha ha ha ha hahahaha ha harrrrgh. No, really – it's NOT what you think."
An opportunity.
"Five hundred quid."
"Done."
19 comments:
It's disappointing to see that in the UK as well, the local constabulary are so poorly salaried that they can't even stretch to a shovel and a couple of bags of quicklime.
Have you seen the price of shovels these days?
Carved up bodies go into the just laid foundations of the new bypass surely?
"And then I was sick inna skip."
Didn't he learn anything from watching Dexter?
snee - or new housing foundations.
Did the bags smell like my belly button? Enquiring minds want to know.
Erin/Snee.
'A very good friend of mine' is currently doing major renovations to our house.
Her house I mean. If money was to change hands, I could sort something out...
I rode my bike to the shops, but then realised I had forgotten to get any milk, so I recycled back there.
Rik: I have pointedly NOT clicked on the link on your blog today.
I clicked on it. No biggie.
Scary: Wimp.
He couldn't do it down our tip. If the black bags were in any way decent looking condition they would end up in the town centre boot market on Wednesday mornings or up the Christian centre second-hand shop, contents and all.
Rik: Have you been letting Scary sniff your belly button?
Just say you were to chop up the body of an environmentalist ... would you put their body parts in the recycling bin, or in the general waste along with all the Jehovah Witnesses?
p.s. I'm scared of Rik's belly button too, but it has given me an idea for next years Halloween costume.
I used to work with a woman whose boyfriend murdered a father and son who displeased him whilst they were having drinky-poos in their home. Carved up the bodies with a chainsaw on plywood in the living room, packed it all up in bin bags. Stopped for pizza on the way to the tip.
One of the heads was never found.
When police investigated their property, they found two more bodies, plus the bodies of their two Dobermans, who, rumour had it, he killed because they wouldn't stop trying to dig up the two bodies.
I joke not.
You didn't haggle? If you had you could have got at least a couple of grand!
Next time you see him ask "How's the wife? Haven't seen her about lately. . ."
Incredibly dark, but it could happen:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xJ1PRjdOwM&feature=PlayList&p=2E87FFF3729E8416&index=4
@ Squeakypony
I'm still thinking!
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