Friday. Home time. Relax time. Leave-me-alone-you-bastards time. What I don't need is...*ding dong*
"Gooooood evening, sir!"
People who use that many 'o's in 'Good evening' are clearly marked for death, and I shall make it my business to tell them.
I flick on the porch light to find myself confronted with a pair of almost identical suited young men clutching clipboards.
Slightly too smart; slightly too much gel in their hair; slightly too many exclamation marks on their name tags; far too pleased with themselves.
They can be only one of two things – X Factor annoyances John and Edward (who must die), or...
"Gooooood evening, sir! Have you considered changing your telephone provider?"
"Thank fuck for that. I thought you were Jehovah's Witnesses
And:
"Stop looking like Jehovah's Witnesses, you might scare people."
And:
"Stop looking like John and Edward (who must die), you might end up dead."
And:
"I'll sign anything. Now bugger off."
10 comments:
Oooh first.
I read it as clutching cupboards.
John and Edward must Die!
Who?
Are they Siamese twins, or just homosexuals?
Scary perhaps you could start up a new phone in competition - vote for the way in which John & Edward must die - you could make a fortune. I'd vote at least twice.
Will you really sign anything?
You signed something? Oh dear. Which bit of you gets sold first?
My friendly neighbourhood communications conglomerate just called me the other day for that very reason.
Although why they should want to kill John and Edward is beyond me.
Is Jehovah offering budget calls?
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