The Big Book of Condensed Movies
IT IS DONE.
Years of hammering behind the keyboard. Years of blood, sweat, tears and defacating into plastic bags (ONCE, I did it ONCE), I have finally collated all of my condensed movies into one, handy electronic book.
Containing ...ooh... a metric shitload of the finest Condensed Movies, it also comes with genuine, not-published-before Tales of Mirth and Woe as a pathetic come-on to you, the reader.
Yes, I know, you are already is a state of orgasm at the very thought of this literary classic, and you want a copy. NOW. And, once you have tidied yourself up, here is it:
If you've got one of those new-fangled Kindle devices, you can get it for download from the Amazon Kindle Store for not very much money at all.
And if you haven't got one of those new-fangled Kindle wossnames, but still want a copy, use Paypal to bazz me £2.50 of the Queen's Pounds ($4.00 US or Canadian, $3.75 Aus, 2.85 Euro) at email@example.com, and I'll get a PDF Formatted copy to you post haste.
And don't forget that Tales of Mirth and Woe and I am Not Mad are also still available, with free beer, money and sex for every purchase*.
On the other hand (for example, if you have three hands), just email me anyway, especially if you are female, single and attractive with low morals.
There. That didn't sound too desperate, did it?
* Free beer, money and sex offer closes 19th October 1968, only available to residents of Brazzaville, Republic of Congo
And look... here's one for free:
Condensed Movies: Planet of the Apes
Charlton Heston: Hello, I am C.Heston and I am excellent. I am from a distant planet called Earth
Apes: Actually, this is Earth, only in the future
C. Heston: FFS! Also: Damn you all to HELL!