On not getting struck by lightning
Every day, billions of people are not struck by lightning, and I am one of these lucky, lucky people.
However, I can tell you what it's like to be nearly struck by lightning, and it's this: hot, loud and hurty. I've plugged myself into the mains before, and I have no desire to repeat the experience, only a million times hotter, louder and hurtier.
But: Getting out of the car at Sedgemoor Services on the M5, the mid-afternoon sky as black as night, and the rain coming down like the proverbial stair-rods, I swear I was but yards away from that all-too-familiar frazzling feeling as a bolt of the Queen's finest electricity shot from the sky.
Sense of distance and/or perspective may have been a bit skewed by the ear-ringing explosion, but trousers were well and truly soiled.
Ironically, I have been nearly struck by lightning in exactly the same car park before. I GET THE MESSAGE.
If there's one thing that the whole episode proves, it's that I shall never fulfil my ambition of standing up in a concert hall and leading an orchestra.
I'm not a conductor.