Monday, June 13, 2011

On not getting struck by lightning

On not getting struck by lightning

Every day, billions of people are not struck by lightning, and I am one of these lucky, lucky people.

However, I can tell you what it's like to be nearly struck by lightning, and it's this: hot, loud and hurty. I've plugged myself into the mains before, and I have no desire to repeat the experience, only a million times hotter, louder and hurtier.

But: Getting out of the car at Sedgemoor Services on the M5, the mid-afternoon sky as black as night, and the rain coming down like the proverbial stair-rods, I swear I was but yards away from that all-too-familiar frazzling feeling as a bolt of the Queen's finest electricity shot from the sky.

Sense of distance and/or perspective may have been a bit skewed by the ear-ringing explosion, but trousers were well and truly soiled.

Ironically, I have been nearly struck by lightning in exactly the same car park before. I GET THE MESSAGE.

If there's one thing that the whole episode proves, it's that I shall never fulfil my ambition of standing up in a concert hall and leading an orchestra.

I'm not a conductor.

7 comments:

TRT said...

One of the effects of a near lightning hit is an unexplainable feeling of déjà vu.

Anonymous said...

Groan!

Amanda Huggenkiss said...

It just shows you are well grounded and quite a down to earth chap .. and that I should not be allowed to use the Internet in public.

Anonymous said...

oh, scaryD the master Flea, I have news for you! You were struck by lightening, but now the bad news, it was the fault of a ufo who is totally whackered off jealous and zealous, watch those comets from above(they may not be just comets), and he also has u on their version of the telly/youtube, called UFOME!.COM so nows u is famous striking the pose as ufo struck u with pink and lavender lightening!

COOL!

Kim said...

In terms of scientific definitions, Scary, I'd classify you as more of an "agitator" than a "conductor".

And I feel it incumbent to mntion that when most people have a Near Escape From Being Killed To Death by lightning, a common impulse is to be sick inna hedge.

You must be losing your touch.

WrathofDawn said...

More of an irritator than agitator, wouldn't you think?

Anonymous said...

hold a wooden stake high up above ur head with a cross and a star atop, twirl 3by3by3 and mumble these words, sheirusmedseorpmsoe,ooooh! it works everytime.