I've noticed, driving between Reading and Weymouth in the Renault Scenic OF DOOM on a weekly basis, that certain makes of car attract certain types of drivers.My study, backed up with actual SCIENCE, reveals one or two things we already know for FACT, plus a surprising conclusion that needs to be reinforced by violence against a certain type of individual so as to maintain my excellent yet ultimately selfish way of life.
So: As any Top Gear viewer will tell you, Audis and BMWs are almost exclusively driven by cocks, whereas anything with a Rover, Proton or Kia badge is likely to have a pensioner peeking up over the steering wheel.
And it struck me.
Nissans.
They're driven by imbeciles. That's why I always check the sole of my shoe when I walk through the front door – just in case I've stepped on a Nissan Micra and I end up treading some clueless granny up the hall carpet *again*.
And the Nissan Note. How do these people remember to breathe and drive at the same time?
Nissan Note drivers: I've got a note for you. One that I'd like to staple to your forehead:
"Learn to drive"
Excluded from this rant: The Fragrant Mrs Duck. *cough* Nissan Almera *cough*. Excellent driver.
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