This ACTUALLY happened.* Oh, the wacky world of IT development meetings."But what if I want to upload a picture of my arse?"
"Why? In the name of sanity – WHY?"
"Well… I might want to upload a picture of my arse. If we've got the functionality that allows a user to upload a picture of their arse - by jiminy - uploading a picture of their arse is EXACTLY what the users will do."
Others agree, noting which way the metaphorical wind is blowing. And it is toward arses: "Arses will be uploaded. Mark my words. Oh yes."
"Hmmm… That's a thought. We're going to need some sort of data capture that prevents users from uploading a picture of their arse."
"You do realise," chimes the voice of sanity, holder of the budget, "this is going to have to go through Change Control? Could cost the business THOUSANDS."
"Yeah – but we've got to stop users uploading a picture of their arse."
"OK," says the bean-counter with a sigh, "Action point: IT Contractors to develop Arse-Detecting software."
[ ... pause ... ]
"Woah, there. Wait a sec. Hold your horses. What if I want to upload a picture of my arse for business purposes?"
"Good point, well made. IT Contractors to add a 'This picture of my arse uploaded for business purposes' checkbox."
[ ... pause ... ]
"What about knockers?"
"Knockers are fine."
* I am obliged to point out that this exchange may not actually have happened.**
** But it did
19 comments:
As a professional (hahahahahaha) software engineer, I feel I should point out that no programmer would have that kind of conversation ... we would all be perfectly fine with people uploading photos of their arse or knockers. In fact, I'm pretty sure that in some of the software I've worked on, if you press the right combination of buttons you'll see a relevant image appear.
That conversation is, however, just the kind of thing that the blithering idiot customers often come out with. I look forward to the day when I'm asked to write arse-recognition software on images. "Right, I need to test my code." "OK, no problem ... here is a hard-drive full of suitable images I've downloaded from the Internet. See how many it finds ..."
For some strange reason, I believe this conversation actually did go on!
What about the old arse or elbow competitions?
My God, a similar conversation took place on my last software implementation project. Spooky!
British Backside Copying (UK)
A Kick Up the Arse Copying (CA)
Bloody hell, I've managed to get Scary's blog up again for the first time in ages!
99 times out of a hundred, all I get when I click on a link to here is a blank screen and a message at the bottom of the page saying 'Done'.
And now that I've finally managed to get to read a post and leave a comment, I can't think of anything remotely erudite or witty to write...
Bleedin' typical eh?
Anyways, it's good to be back! :o)
Did anyone miss me...?
Miss who?
It would not have surprised me if it had. I work for a computer games company and we have to ban certain words and images being used for creating online player profiles.
One of the names that is banned is 'Simon' because it turns out it is slang for a body part in some other language.
Who in their right mind would work in IT.
p.s. On Friday afternoon I broke the website for one of Australia's largest companies for 3 hours. Ooops. Today I had the opportunity to meet large numbers of big wheels and chat about the ins and outs of network attached storage ... which is nice.
Squeaky - Optus?
Explains their shit service. Or maybe that they spend all their money putting tutus on meerkats and taking photos and there's none left for a reliable phone service.
@pseud death to that f***ing meerkat.
I don't even bother coding the dummer request anymore because in a week they'll have forgotten about the new feature and be asking for something crazyer. Like checking for lenght of nasal hair.
Debster: Miss T.
I don't care if you have fancy software or not. The answer is still no.
I guess that this blog is attracting more ITers than usual, so, a question, before you all leave the offices this evening (you're not at home are you?):
I've been reading Windows 7 previews online today - has Mastergates got it right this time, or has he done what Uncle Steve did to us Maccers and produced a Snow Pussy (the more you stroke a pussy, the better the response, I've found - except this one "Lethal Injection, Mr Herriot, please").
Invader Stu - what about Percy Johnson?
Westengland, I find the best OS is AIX, nothing else endures quite like it.
@ Westengland
I generally find it advisable to wait a year after release before even considering an upgraded to any OS (this holds true for most software packages). With a microsoft OS another milestone to wait for is the release of there first service pack.The reason being most software development companies like to use there customers as beta testers, it's why so many software packages come with an "experience" feature or as I like to call them bug reporters.
How long will it be before the Windows 7 version of the blue screen of death will be referred to as "7th heaven" or "7th hell"?
Oh, and Arse. Nice piccy.
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