On making movies
I understand the top movie studios are in talks to bring a number of well-known children's TV programmes to the big screen.
No, I say. Stop it now.
I would rather gouge my eyes out with a spoon than sit in front of a ninety minute episode of Dangermouse, for Dangermouse is full of FAIL and the top of a very slippery slope to anger, despair and The Dark Side.
Ditto Bananaman, Super Ted and - bloody hell - Fireman Sam.
There is only one children's programme for which I'd pay actual cash money to see in a full-length feature, and it is this:
Electric Blue Peter
There's no plot to speak of, just two hours of Konnie Huq trying to get her fridge repaired. By John Noakes and Peter Purves.
Then, Janet Ellis turns up to borrow a cup of sugar and Shep is absolutely no use at all...
For the colonial readers: Mr Rogers filthy filthy something filthy
Edit: Megan Washington unmasked as shameless Portuguese dwarf tickler
I LOLed. I LOLed out loud.