Jesus.No, really.
I've been told – by the kind of humourless person who knits their own packed lunch - to behave myself or I'll make Jesus cry.
Yeah, right.
If I were a betting man (and there's a very good reason why I'm not), I'd give good money on the premise that your Lord and Saviour was, all things said and done, a bit of a geezer.
Let's take a look at the evidence:
He lived under the occupation of a foreign invader, complete with mass migrations and marauding Campaign for Free Galilee terrorists/freedom fighters chopping up Pilate's wife and posting her back to the Romans. So what does that good Irish lad Jesus O'Nazareth do?
- Goes on a forty day extreme backpacking holiday in the wilderness, where he has *cough* "visions"
- Goes fishing with the guys
- Hangs about with prostitutes
- Tells a mean tall tale about slaughtering fatted calves TO DETH
- Is the guy who goes out and gets more booze when the wedding party drinks the place dry
- Brought dead guy back to life as a frickin' brain-eating ZOMBIE
- Starts a punch-up in the temple
- Punches Dan Brown in the cock*
- Rode a dinosaur and took out the entire crack Roman Third Legion with illegally imported phased-plasma rifle**
On the downside:
- Beard
- Sandals
Hardly the 'meek and mild' image we've been fed these last two thousand years, I'm sure you'll agree.
I bet he didn't even cry like a girl that time they nailed him to a tree for that whole 'Romanes Eunt Domus' business.
Only a flesh wound.
Geezer.
* May actually be a lie
** May also be a lie
18 comments:
And that whole disappearing trick thing when they had him in the tomb.
EYHO David Blaine.
@Pseudonymph
I followed the Hitler Rant vids from your link this morning (yeah, morning again) - I laughed so much, I hurt my gut (true) and almost had a full-on asthma attack (true). SD's got to do some subtitled videos. If I keep reading blogs like this I won't get past the New Year.
By the way, why don't you get your new friend "Bertie" to comment here - she seems like "a bit of a goer" as we say in these here parts.
@Westengland
She's around the place, somewhere. And Bertie's quite lovely. It's that crazy old coot Aunty Brenda that you need to watch. She'll take anything in trousers and many things that are not. Apparently.
Oi! You talking about me behind my back..... I see all!..... I hear all!....
And do you bare all, as well B?
Christians should stop emphasizing the bloody miracles as a selling point. I don't see anybody following David Copperfield as the savior of mankind.
Case in point.
SD; you disappoint me. You write about JESEES without linking to his own picture gallery? Mahnamana!
Two disappointments over three posts is a new record, Aspie or not. (WHINE WHINE WHINE!)
The best way to promote any religion, imho, would be to simple point to this site and go "See?"
:)
Good post, by the way.
(WHINE WHINE WHINE!)
Westengland: On occasion ;-)
I think they mean cry with laughter Scary, so not a bad thing
AND he talked back to the teachers in the Temple - he'd have fitted in well at my school.
T-shirts with:
"JESUS: GEEZER
...so says Scaryduck"
printed on them wouldn't do the street-cred of your average Chrtistian any harm...
I didn't know that bit about the dinosaur, nor the punching of Dan Brown. Puts a whole new light on things. :)
"Punches Dan Brown in the cock"
*sigh* if only it were true...
You have to read "Lamb : The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal" by Christopher Moore.
GEEZER'S CHRIST -ALL RIGHTY?
@SD: the Big Guy says you're forgiven (ref. Robber Rabbit, Monday 17/11/03 "Rumbled").
According to the 'Book Of Cyril', Chap 19 verse 1,300, Jesus was one of lifes "ne'er-do-wells".
In fact he was just a waster, wandering about the Holy Land, sticking his nose into other peoples business and generally causing trouble in the Nazareth McDonalds by demanding a a "Two-loaves-and-five-fishes" whopper burger knowing full well that they hadn't been invented yet.
What, I ask you, has Jesus EVER done for us?
At least we know he didn't wear socks with his sandals.
On account of socks hadn't been invented yet.
Didn't The Ramones sing "Jesus Is A Punk Rocker"?
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