And here were go again: Another half-a-dozen FACTS to celebrate something something Olympics something Dorset something.They said they wanted a lasting legacy for the 2012, and here it is, clogging up Google search results for years to come.
FACT! Readers who have been amused or annoyed by the small boy in the television advert who says "I want to have a poo at Paul's house!" may be interested to learn that Paul lives in Prince Charles's picturesque Dorset village of Poundbury, where his house boasts the luxury of an inside toilet.There are many, many other FACTS about Dorset, which I am certain will come to light in future days. Some of them might even be true.
FACT! Weymouth is rightly proud of its royal connection to King George III, who was mad enough to holiday in the resort on many occasions. But now, it can claim links to a different King – the town boasts the highest concentration of Elvis tribute acts outside Las Vegas.
FACT! Popular tourist attraction Abbotsbury Swannery remains at the forefront of scientific inquiry with the publication of its long-awaited peer-reviewed paper in the British Medical Journal entitled "On the discovery of how many flaps of a swan's wing it takes to break a man's arm". After trials involving hundreds of student volunteers, it has come to the following conclusion: One.
FACT! Dorset writer Thomas Hardy, like many other talented authors, augmented his low income by penning content for popular magazines. Readers unfamiliar with his literary classic "Far from the Madding Crowd", which chronicled the author's days as a noted football hooligan, may already have read his classic "Dear Fiesta, I never thought I had a chance with the hot divorcee next door until the day she…"
FACT! Whilst Weymouth is famed as the port where the Black Death entered England in the 14th Century, the county's Bournemouth Airport is now recognised as the first point of entry for the equally deadly Chlamydia, brought into the United Kingdom in a pair of crusty boxer shorts belonging to a holiday-maker returning from an 18-30 "All you can screw" break in the Balearics.
FACT! In an effort to keep up with the times, Dorset's most famous coastal attraction has accepted a multi-million dollar internet sponsorship deal and will henceforth be known as "LOLworth Cove". Tourists will be able to see the site from the air by paying for a ride in the ROFLcopter.
A call for content: Friday's Tale of Mirth and Woe is a return to the Old School, featuring crushed genitals and sick inna hedge. To mark this auspicious occassion, I am making a call for sentences which I shall try to insert - seamlessly - into the tale.
What, I ask, could possibily go wrong?
52 comments:
Ooh first?
"Swimming through custard"?
"bloated purple tumescence reminiscent of an aubergine."
I think that kid in FACT! one should fess up and admit "I want to have a poo through the letter box at Paul's house" ... sounds only fair to me.
p.s. I would be delighted if you could possibly find a way to include the sentence "and with a twirl of his little knob" into your wonderful Friday Tale of Mirth and Woe.
'How about some vinegar for your lovely fish n chips?'
You could include parts of those incredibly intellectual and enlightening facebook quizzes. Only it would send your spellchecker into meltdown.
A reminder to: "keep the facts short and brief."
Short
and brief.
Think about inserting THAT seamlessly.
I WILL insert it, as per request. Sideways.
Actually, can we have the phrase 'I came first' in there as well?
Thanks for the TH FACT! Following the new "Winnie The Pooh", the up-to-date version of the classic you mention starts:
"Dear Fiesta, I never thought I had a chance with the hot divorcee next door until the day she told me she commented on Scaryduck's blog..."
'The first 15 minutes had me mistaking it for a poodle. Oh, how wrong I was.'
Fact: Until 2005 "Dorset Widdecombe" was a real genuine googlewhack.
Down at the chippie, Jeremy was not best pleased to be offered the condiments of "Salt and vinegar strokes?"
Sentence:
"Regardless of said incredible torture the badger remained immobile."
I want to go to Dorset.
Overheard in the library this morning. I thought of you.
"Only 17. And a chihuahua!"
Excuse me, but I LIVE in The Old School and - much as I enjoy this blog - do not want the denizens of ScaryDuckness appearing on my doorsetp on Friday. PLZ !!!!
"Just as the teddybear let out an enormous PFRAPPPPPPP."
The bishops glared with his blood shot eye at the dark clad thane, then uttered that most infamous statement "Are you sure that ice cream is koshur!"
"although personally, I don't care for it. Far too endocrine system for my taste"
@The Scaryduck flock
A blog commenter has just said the above about my nom-de-blog; what does she mean by "endocrine system"? - FIIK (can somebody tell me, please?).
If you use it on Friday, SD, maybe I'll understand it.
On this auspicious occassion (sic), what could possibily (sic) go wrong?
Indeed. Scary's spellcheck melted down long, long ago. Got sic in a hedge, I heard.
Plz to insert "and then the bishop, having backed Norris up for fifty yards at full speed, could not stop himself at once"
"I felt like I had just been taken roughly from behind by a giraffe."
"Nothing personal you understand, old chap, but you're bloody weird"!
No, not you (well you maybe a weirdo, I dunno, the jurys' still out on that one).
I meant that it's a sentence for you to insinuate into your Friday post; as requested.
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ScaryD! who ya callin old school. This is the new school shoutin out ta ya, speak fer yerseff yer ole fuddity-duddity, call me though this is yer mum ya know it's been a full forenight since ya last called after the fight with your oh so fragrant wifey-difey.........................
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