Homeopathy and Astrology: TOGETHER AT LAST

Take one tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny dose of the derp that is homeopathy; and mix it together with the pointless herp that is astrology, what do you get? The cavalcade of herp-a-derp that is genuine, actual people trying to make homeopathic medicine from the light from the planet Saturn, a bowl of powdered milk and a telescope, and calling it Trituration proving of the light of Saturn.

The light shining out of my arse, more like.

"Saturn," they say in their introduction, "is a very earthy planet". That'll be the gas giant Saturn that's made out of gas and not like Earth in any way whatsoever. I'm already seeing signs that this might not be a study that's going to appear in the British Medical Journal any time soon.

Now, I've never been one to mince my words about either of these subjects (that's because I'm a typical Aquarius), but anything that starts with the words "As a homeopath and astrologer" and contains the phrase "Angelina Jolie tongue-kissing her brother" needs to be destroyed by fire, the ashes fed to a walrus; the walrus sodomised with a cactus, before being hollowed out and rowed down the River Thames like a walrus-shaped canoe. And no court in the world would dare convict me.

And lets see what their conclusions might be after grown adults pointed one end of a telescope at Saturn and the other at a bowl of milk diluted a million billion times:

"From a homeopathic point of view, both the physical symptoms that appeared and the content of the discussion during the proving suggest that this remedy might be effective for accident-related trauma, bone and nerve damage."

I've studied their evidence and have come to the following conclusion: No it fucking won't, you imbeciles.

Don't let these people get started on - oh-ho! - URANUS, it'll be - oh-ho! - SHIT! Like homeopathy. And astrology.

Next, please.