The Laws of Charity Shops

I love charity shops, and have found myself that one elusive store which actually stocks the kind of books I like to read and the music that I like to hear. But I fear for them. By taking this brave stand, they are breaking The Laws of Charity Shops which all such establishments must obey lest they have their lease terminated and turned into a pound store.

Or worse: A tanning salon.

The Laws of Charity Shops are clear, and there are no exceptions:

- One copy of Every Loser Wins by Nick Berry (7" vinyl)

- At least one All Saints and one Daniel O'Donnell CD

- CD box set of The Very Best of Fifties Rock'n'Roll

- Coronation Street "never broadcast" exclusive set in Africa / the Med / Blackpool on VHS

- The entire canon of Jeremy Clarkson books (unread)

- Any book by Dan Brown that isn't The Da Vinci Code

- A china storage jar shaped like a chicken

- A Wasgij

- Fifteen boxes (minimum) of dolls house furniture

- On trying on any item of clothing, the customer is required to ask "Did anybody die wearing this?"

- Seedy looking man eyeing up the lingerie rack from the other side of the shop, waiting for all other customers to leave

Legislation is being rushed through parliament as we speak to include the book "Fifty Shades of Grey" on the above list. We shall keep you posted*

*No we won't